awaken...

the final hours are here

another year is coming to a close

since i woke this morning...the minutes have been rapidly diminishing coinciding with the same fleeting emotions i carried throughout 2014

it has felt like one of the longest yet quickest of years thus far

today...i paused...many times actually...reflecting upon the days that were and curiously wondering what the days of new will become

i have thought a great deal about my little word 

{i had to go back to last January as i could not quite remember how i stumbled upon my word for the year} and as i read...my post...my word unexpectedly chosen

AWAKEN

took on a whole new meaning than what i originally thought or per say planned it to mean

i was anxious on many accounts to get back to how we once were...to continue with a certain momentum that i had always attained...i wanted to dive head first...submerging and pushing myself in and with new endeavors...

i had grand plans

non.of.which.came.to.be

AWAKEN

came to me in a realization that things will never be as they were...life changes...people change...through the hard ships of  living...the rigorous rowing and treading through stormy waters...through the sweet sailing days...growth is occurring...we are constantly evolving even if we can not see it on the forefront

AWAKEN

came to me is recognizing that what once was and what is now...was and is apart of  my story...there has yet to be discovered a way to turn back the clocks of time...so instead of recreating and striving for the past...i could and can only move forward creating my now

AWAKEN

came to me when looking back...in simple subtle ways...nurturing ways...calming ways

AWAKEN

was not just about me but those that are in my life...the need to be present...nothing more...nothing less...just wholeheartedly present in their day to day

AWAKEN

was about realizing the need for myself to be...to simmering in my thoughts...to withdraw into my own silence...for acknowledging the truth behind what had all been

AWAKEN

it may not have been a boisterous year

but it was a year

a year in which

AWAKEN

slowly crept in and became a touchstone in my spirit and soul 

Buddha once said:

"there is only one time when it is essential to awaken...the time is now"

 

may 2015

be a blessed one

for each of you

 

13+1~

 

every year is a little different from the last

a practice for years i have come to know

i chose to draw up a year of cards 

it is always with the intention of at least 12 to come forth

yet strangely enough there is always a different way of sums 

there are ones that gently fall from my hands

and then there are ones that feel as if they leap from the pile

saying its me...its me

this practice is simple

mindful for me

a reflection as the months make way

offering hindsight as the days within unfold

a glimpse of a possible future

knowing all the same

that life can change in a simple blink of an eye

a tool

that leaves me hopeful yet warned

an offering 

a way to glance to and from

with a deeper understanding for the things that arise

it is in doing

appreciating each as they lay

it is in knowing you can not meld them as you wish

and in believing that as with life and living all things change

they are a sense balance amongst the unknown

Joseph Campbell Once Said:

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

9...1~

 

my attempts in 2013 did not quite go as planned

the thought of catching up toward the end when i fell short

was well just not that appealing 

why go backward i thought

when i can move forward

so its one step towards filling in the blank pages

it happens but once a year

when most wake with a motivated plan

yet for us its a day we tend to veer far away from such

tis a day that is filled with the sweetest of sweets

to welcome and ring in the new

9...1

tummys plum full of cardamon filled round bits of deliciously wonderful lightly fried dough

savoring spiced apple syrup 

glasses filled with bubbles and orange

frosted white windows

rain less days that leave a bittery yet warm kind of feel

frustration released

therefor leading to peace

a new leaf turned

a fresh focused frame of mind

Someone Once Said:

"Life is an open book full of blank pages...You write the story as you go."

awaken~

on the first of january

i came upon my word for the year

in a different manner than i usually do

i chose to draw one oracle card 

allowing 2014 to be completely free from my own will and desires

and i do have to say i was quite pleased with the card that unfolded

a·wak·en

əˈwākən/

verb

rouse from sleep; cause to stop sleeping

and so shall it be

my

* word *

that will accompany me 

through the next three hundred and sixty sum odd days

in the years prior i always seemed to chose healing words 

and now it is time to entertain and embrace a new kind of feel

2013 i tip toed around and then fell into a bit of a slumber..occasionally i'd dangle my feet in the waters...gently touching the streams...but nothing more than paltry splashes here and there...this year...i want to submerge myself...i want to jump in and swim through the untouched waters and set sail on new adventures and endeavors

and all those wild dreams that have been laying dormant shall manifest

heres to

AWAKENING

my spirit and muse

" I am alive. I am awake. I am that I am."

2014...

all i can say is~

 

...WHAT.A.YEAR...

nothing less

nothing more

but simply

...WHAT.A.YEAR...

and i end it being sick...it was bound to happen...there was no denying such...being in a home filled with so many...somehow...someway...i managed to escape the illnesses and bugs that lingered...all up until two days ago...

thoughts of recollecting the past 365 days...mmm...not so much...head would like to explode...so i shall reminisce some other day or maybe not

but for now...me..i am truly counting down these final hours

 

fare thee well 2013

12+4...

one questioned asked at the start of each new year

12 cards drawn

with the intention of adding 1 more

 13

representing this year that has come to be

the most fascinating thing

at the start of each new year

i face all the cards back to the same position

a newness kind of feel...per say

my first two cards drawn

were reversed as reversed could lay

when reaching for the 13th card 

4 came stumbling out

i truly believe there is no willing the cards you draw

its plain and simple

they.will.have.their.own.way

Karl Von Clausewitz once said:

"If the mind is to emerge unscathed from the relentless struggle with the unforeseen, two qualities are indispensable: first, an intellect that, even in the darkest hour, retains some glimmerings of the inner light which leads to the truth; and second, the courage to follow this light wherever it may lead."

forgiveness...fault...freedom...

over and over these words have came forth in my mind.

as 2013 has come to be

forgiveness

fault

freedom

three little words i wish to help guide me gracefully through this new year.

for·give·ness

  /fərˈgivnis/

Noun

The action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.

fault  

/fôlt/

Noun

An unattractive or unsatisfactory feature,

esp. in a piece of work or in a person's character.

Verb

Criticize for inadequacy or mistakes.

Synonyms

noun

defect - flaw - mistake - error - shortcoming - failing

verb 

criticize

free·dom

  /ˈfrēdəm/

Noun

The power or right to act, speak,

or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

i am at

fault 

for not always releasing the negative...keeping it tucked deeply within...releasing it in moments of anger...healthy for any relationship...i think NOT.

these past 360 days 

forgiveness

is a word i have shared a multitude of times not only with myself but for many who surround me.

 it has become crystal clear that until we fully grasp

forgiveness

in our heart and in our mind we can not forget the past mistakes or moments that lay festering...life is in and with each moment...it comes...it goes...and i am now giving myself the

freedom

to unchain myself from feeling at

fault

for the actions and choices of others...i am giving myself a chance to attain

forgiveness

each and every day that i wake...i am allowing myself the

freedom

to not feel as if i was the cause or blame for the

faults

of others...the

freedom

to walk away from the negativity...there is no one or nothing in this world that can bring true happiness within... it comes from our own core...tis something we are all at 

fault

 for...trying ever so hard to find things that create happiness...we have choices that flourish with each tick of the clock and i will walk through the days of 2013 with

forgiveness...fault...freedom

felt deep down and no one can take away such. 

Ivern Ball once said:

“Most of us can forgive and forget; we just don't want the other person to forget that we forgave”