a soft dewy glow~
busily going about our ways
quite often these days
i am losing track of time
on the eve of her night
for what ever reason
i turned towards the dark
as if her energy was calling me near
i stepped out
to be graced with a fleeting minute or two of silence
before the clouds blanketed her
a soft dewy glow she was
lingering in the deep black sky
februarys snow moon
should be noted as a rain moon for us
there has been no sightings of snow
just showers through the night
heavy cloud covers kept me from her
when she rose to her fullest
thankful.though.for.the.moment.i.had
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Once Said:
"nothing that is can pause or stay...the moon will wax...the moon will wane...the mist and clouds will turn to rain...the rain to mist and clouds again...tomorrow be today."
earthen strings...
earthen strings...the waxing and waning of a winters day...as mother nature set her tone...she gently guides us through the longingly cold and dampening hours...deep cobalt darkening skies are present when we rise in the morn and set in the night...it is within this gift of hers...time...to pull inward and find our own light...the faint colors of the grasses pale green...is her reminder to each...though we may not be thriving...we are continuing to grow...the cycle never seizes...the wheel has yet to change...it is in these days that i crochet...it is the silence...the slowness...the warmth from layers...the cups of endless tea...the flickering flames of firelight...the candles that glow among a dim lit room...it is in the comfort of knowing that all will change...it is in knowing that a season will never last forever...it is having an appreciation for such...that puts me at ease... i fully surrender to the days of winter as i continue to weave my earthen strings
she hid in the night...
for most of the darkening hours that were
she hid silently behind a clouded night sky
when she finally appeared
her unto herself
an old moon in a bright new year
she was masked by the trees
with just a hint of golden light
faint as her casting
it was enough to catch my eye
and silence me so
36~
35
i remember the morning i was turning 35
my dad called and wished me well then ask how old are you going to be again
i said 35...he said god your getting old
i replied i know...i officially hit the half way point to 40
and as quick as can be he replied more like the half way point to 70
i replied thanks dad...way to really put my life in perspective
35 held a tumultuous amount of life changing moments
all packed into the mere 365 day that were
i think for the next 35 years now life will just be calm
wishful thinking right?!?
i moved slowly within my final days of 35
i pondered things i wanted to do to mark the final day
but decided otherwise
35 had i think enough momentous moments for me
so i settled for the nothing
36
is here
it was celebrated
QUIETLY CALMLY PEACEFULLY JOYFULLY
these past few weeks i have been
studying the art of doing nothing
and i think i can officially graduate with a masters degree
it felt nice
lately i have been thinking about
my life
where i want to be
what i want to do
and am looking forward to seeing where the days will lead
36
* finish writing one of my books
* print one my books
* sell one of my books
* continuing exploring new ways of selling my photography
* become apart of a farmers market
* have a booth is some sort of fair~bizarre~flea market frenzy
* read my camera book
{i have had my dream camera for almost two years now...its a lofty challenge for me...it is huge and filled with sssoooo much information...i can only sit for so long then i want to play with my camera...and alas the book gets put away for great lengths of time}
* buy the perfect shade of red lipstick
{i know this is silly but i am quite plain and simple...me and my rose lip balm go hand in hand...i realized it had been 18 years since i wore red lipstick...it was the first and the last and it was NOT BY CHOICE...i was summed to do such by my loving sister} even if i wear it just once throughout the rest of my life...i would like to attempt to try...though it is not to say i will leave my home...lol!}
* see montana
{i have had a fascination with montana ever since i saw a river runs through it years ago...my grandpa says why don't you just rent the movie again...so yes we are planning a road trip}
* zip line
* glass fusing
* pottery lessons
{in high school i never gave it a fair shot...i tried the wheel two times and decided it was not for me...i think it was because i really did not care at the time...it was a fun easy class i took to pass the time by}
* meet more of you wonderful people face to face
{was one of my greatest memories this year was being able to spend time with barry and fiona...two whom i had met through the land of blogs}
* camping...camping...camping
{as most of you know this is nothing new...just a normal for us...but our truck has been being rebuilt for the past year and well there has not been ONE single adventure since last february...so making it a priority to help my love with whatever i can in order to get our truck complete}
* cold process soap
{this scares me...i am not too good with chemicals...i have this fear i will blow something up...but i want to do this and my sister said she would assist and be my mad scientist}
* canning
{ i have done this sparingly...but this year i will be making good use of every waking thriving fruit and vegetable that comes to be}
* begin teaching one wee little one how to drive
{frightening right...and i know he is not so little...but he's our baby...so little he will always be! i want to be apart of this process and memory}
* help one little become sponsored on his scooter
{sometimes we forget to really pay attention to the desire and strengths of our children...i want to help him achieve this dream...though he is doing amazingly well thus far on his own}
* learn to play the violin
* double the amount we saved in 2013
* volunteer
* continue eliminating useless consumed items in our house
* finish our floors
{only have the living room and kitchen left}
* plant fruit trees
{thinking pears}
* pursue wine making with my love
* make kombucha
{failed at our first attempt}
* pondering joining the belly dancing competing & traveling group
{was asked last spring to join the competing group but had to decline do to our circumstances that arose}
* continue exploring life alone
* master driving a stick shift
(this is a work in progress that is filled with much laughter}
* learn how to do stand up paddle boarding
* learn a new language
* make salted caramels
* take an aroma therapy class
* sew more
* master knitting in the round
{i can knit perfectly well on two straight stick but still challenging to get my first round on circular needles to look uniform}
* ENJOY EACH AND EVERY SINGLE DAY WHETHER I AM DOING SOMETHING OR NOTHING
quite a mouthful right
wondering which one will i work on first
i may have used this quote before but its a good one all the same
Abraham Lincoln Once Said:
"In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
clearing the fog~
my shadowy fog
that lingered for so long
is disappearing
life is feeling lighter
the weight of the world no longer sitting on my shoulders
i am dancing through my days slowly
swaying to and from
there are no swift steps to stumble upon
just rocking to and from
breathing ever so deeply
and enjoying every moment of such
doing nothing...absolutely nothing
ok...that's a lie...there is always much to do but once more we are falling into our own rhythm...not sure how many more times i can type such but this time it feels good...it feels right...it feels like it is going to last
Maya Angelo Once Said:
"Everything in the Universe has a rhythm, Everything dances."
unspoken~
because sometimes
just sometimes
you need not say a thing
9...5 & 6~
as february arose
so too came another gentle tease from old man winter
dropping bits of love for us to discover
9...5
our calmness abruptly changed
feeling as if life was tapping on our shoulders
reminding us that at any given moment everything can change
one father back in the hospital
minds constantly changing
harboring the uneasiness of choices
the universe unfolding its plans
{though i have come to realize...they are ones in which i will never understand}
the dust settled
and snow began to fall
Max Ehrmann Once Said:
"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should."
the waiting is over
there is something EXTRAORDINARY that lies within my father
he has faced many of challenges and yet conquered on when most would have gave in
i honor him greatly
9...6
the waiting is over
a final word was given
one fathers treatment is that of a CURATIVE one
peace of mind for all
a sense of movement has begun
an accomplishment he will forever carry
TRIUMPH
attempting to settle once more
feeling the weight has been lifted
Thomas Paine Once Said:
"The harder the conflict, The more glorious the triumph. What we obtain to cheap, We esteem to lightly; It is dearness only that gives everything it's value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, That can gather strength from distress and grow."
forgotten silence~
there is a forgotten silence filling our home
a quietness that became a faint memory in the back of my mind
we are feeling all a little out of sorts
slowly gathering our lives
and sorting them back out
i think we all became accustom to the way in which we were living
not so much because we wanted to
but more so because we needed to
i am no longer marked by a calender of time
a movement that had me not thinking
just actively doing
being driven by a force of what had to be done
yesterday was that of mostly sitting
with small doses of stirring about
reflecting upon what we overcame
and wondering now where my life will lead
sitting here this morning relishing in my thought
"time is in the palm of my hands"
and pondering
what i shall do
of happy endings~
as with life...when one door closes...it allows for another to open
for six and a half months...i have been reminding my mom that there
WILL
come a day when dad wakes and says
I WANT TO GO HOME
yesterday that day arrived
i am not writing to say that his journey with cancer is complete...it is a far cry from being over...he still will have years ahead of him of being watched and rechecked...but...yesterday marked a surreal turning point
he has come full circle
he has endured an excruciating treatment along side the many of unpredictable challenges that arose throughout the months that were...and as of late... his time has been spent healing...and healing he is doing in the most remarkable of ways
a bittersweet day this will be
though we all are yearning deep within
to go back to our normal ways of living
there has been a silence of comfort that has lingered
all of us together...depending upon...relying upon...a needing of sorts
it has not been because of
ONE but of ALL
including each of you
together we carried each other along
i am filled with the deepest of gratitude
one that has overwhelmingly filled me with tears
tears in knowing
my father is here
he fought one of the hardest battles a man can fight
one in which some do not walk away
but for him
he is walking this day
and i know will be for a long time to come
Mathew E. Fryer Once Said:
"With every road block a detour is built. With every ending a new beginning is defined. Embracing a challenge makes life interesting but overcoming it makes life meaningful."
9...3~
it has been few and far between that i have walked away from a week feeling completely at ease
JUBILANT
feeling or expressing great happiness and triumph
9...3
walking away from many moments feeling jubilant
one father marks a turning point in recovering
our lives slowly beginning to return to their rhythms of once was
a mailbox being filled with letters from afar
silent pick me ups laced with love
time with pen in hand
art through that of different eyes
rain subsides
simmering in the goodness of life
Rumi Once Said:
"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray."
when darkness arrives~
there is a unquestionable fondness i behold
wrapped within januarys dawn and dusk skies
when darkness arrives
it beckons with light
the softness of pinks
tainted with golden hues smeared throughout
silhouettes and shadows reflecting
mingling perfectly
the contrast of dark and light
a sense of warmth is given
as it slices finely through the crispness of winter
a dance begins
as dawn and dusk unfold
an old moon rises~
in darkness she rose
crisp and clear was the evening
silence by the stars that hung
her light shone through our window bright
beaming
as she waxed unto her fullest
ever so round
though being her smallest upon this night
did you go out and stand beneath her light
beautiful moments~
a piece of art unfolds
unleashing my inhibitions
allowing my creativity to freely roam about
"because sometimes...just sometimes...a moment is all you need"
brandi r burdick
weaving a summertime dream~
in darkness i dreamed
of the spring and summer months
time spent lingering through the farmers markets
picking the produce
tasting the sweets
and filling my bag full plum full of treats
somewhere along the line
i drifted from markets
to a bag of overflowing adventures
just large enough for a weekend getaway
within a ball of tangled twine...i weaved a summertime dream of mine...i could see the brightness of light...i could feel the warmth beaming from our golden sun...i could hear his voice as he says now and we gleefully oblige...with bag in hand i gathered our things...we hop in our truck knowing where the road will lead will be that of newness...unplanned and always unknown as that is the manner of him...we wind around curvy roads and over the hills to places that seem untouched by another...we inch our way toward the mountain side until we find a river that lie...and out we go...bag in hand...a sense of peace rushing over us...knowing we are exactly where we belong that day...in some forgotten place...where no one else is surrounding our space...a moment in time...to sit in the silence of the glowing hot sun and live within that summertime dream
Louisa May Alcott Once Said:
"We all have our own kind of life to pursue, Our own kind of dream to be weaving, And we all have the power to make wishes come true, As long as we keep believing."
13+1~
every year is a little different from the last
a practice for years i have come to know
i chose to draw up a year of cards
it is always with the intention of at least 12 to come forth
yet strangely enough there is always a different way of sums
there are ones that gently fall from my hands
and then there are ones that feel as if they leap from the pile
saying its me...its me
this practice is simple
mindful for me
a reflection as the months make way
offering hindsight as the days within unfold
a glimpse of a possible future
knowing all the same
that life can change in a simple blink of an eye
a tool
that leaves me hopeful yet warned
an offering
a way to glance to and from
with a deeper understanding for the things that arise
it is in doing
appreciating each as they lay
it is in knowing you can not meld them as you wish
and in believing that as with life and living all things change
they are a sense balance amongst the unknown
Joseph Campbell Once Said:
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."
deserving~
DESERVING
...worthy of...
is it in this idea that we deserve everything be it in good or bad that comes our way...in holding onto the thoughts that we are destined for the wonderfully good or doomed for the terribly bad
or is it in holding tight to the belief that what comes before us is presented before us for reasons far greater than we will ever know...is it in realizing or possibly discovering our inner strength which might not have been uncovered if our challenges were not endured...is it in rejoicing in the good and rejoicing in the bad...it is in learning that we can prevail through what ever life brings our way...is it in helping us realize we are worthy of achieving goodness if only we attempted to welcome and persevere through each triumph or struggle brought forth each day..is it in recognizing we deserve nothing but we are worthy of everything
perhaps~
Isak Dinsen Once Said
"perhaps he knew...as i did not...that the Earth was round so that we would not see too far down the road"
9...1~
my attempts in 2013 did not quite go as planned
the thought of catching up toward the end when i fell short
was well just not that appealing
why go backward i thought
when i can move forward
so its one step towards filling in the blank pages
it happens but once a year
when most wake with a motivated plan
yet for us its a day we tend to veer far away from such
tis a day that is filled with the sweetest of sweets
to welcome and ring in the new
9...1
tummys plum full of cardamon filled round bits of deliciously wonderful lightly fried dough
savoring spiced apple syrup
glasses filled with bubbles and orange
frosted white windows
rain less days that leave a bittery yet warm kind of feel
frustration released
therefor leading to peace
a new leaf turned
a fresh focused frame of mind
Someone Once Said:
"Life is an open book full of blank pages...You write the story as you go."