chasing snow...

it called for 6-10 inches of snow in the mountains

all in a matter of hours 

then the rain would reside 

i woke my love

and shared how i wanted to see our river in white

i wanted to see the snow

i wanted to touch the snow

i wanted to smell the snow

i wanted to hear the snow

i.just.wanted.to be.in.the.snow

trying as hard as i might

attempting to entice my love and our littles

of a little snow white

i shared how this would be the opportune time

to take our truck for a little test run

it made it to the sun shining mountains with a few minor glitches

but since its rebuild it hasn't set foot on white

after hours of hymn ha~ing through the day

my love sat up and said lets go

i sprang from my seat and scurried away

an hour and a half up and same coming down

my love said it will be a short run

the clock spoke of one thirty one

and the rain was to set with high flailing winds between five and six

nearly minutes after the clock struck two

we were on the road

chasing the snow

as we headed out of town

it was a dark and dreary mess

but once we hit the road of the mountainside

my heart skipped a beat

as it became a wintery wonderland

well sometimes good feelings die hard and quick

just about half way up

it became apparent that our little road trip

was coming to a screeching white halt

there was no place to go 

except off the next exit

if ever we wanted to make it home before morn

inevitably we made the turn 

my love paused for a moment

and decided to sneak onto a road less traveled

this man he knows me well

he knows my mind

he knows my heart

he knew there was a camera at hand

so we were granted with a quick little stroll 

and a bit of a nature call

on a side note if you please...when looking at our truck ...you will notice a lovely blueish purple tint

though great for blocking the sun...it makes for a bit of a struggle to photograph when you are inside

hence why you will see a hint of blue at times

with darkness slowly on the rise

and the winds and rain kicking in

 it was our time

to hit the main road

and make our way home

it might not of been what i was i hoping for

there were no rivers of white raging so

just mile upon mile of blanketed trees

but seeing the land all covered in white

was plenty for me

Orison Swett Narden once said:

"Don't wait for extraordinary opportunities...seize common occasions and make them great."

clearing the fog~

my shadowy fog

that lingered for so long

is disappearing 

life is feeling lighter

the weight of the world no longer sitting on my shoulders

i am dancing through my days slowly

swaying to and from

there are no swift steps to stumble upon

just rocking to and from

breathing ever so deeply

and enjoying every moment of such

doing nothing...absolutely nothing

ok...that's a lie...there is always much to do but once more we are falling into our own rhythm...not sure how many more times i can type such but this time it feels good...it feels right...it feels like it is going to last

Maya Angelo Once Said:

"Everything in the Universe has a rhythm, Everything dances."

unspoken~

because sometimes

just sometimes

you need not say a thing

9...5 & 6~

as february arose 

so too came another gentle tease from old man winter

dropping bits of love for us to discover

9...5

our calmness abruptly changed

feeling as if life was tapping on our shoulders 

reminding us that at any given moment everything can change

one father back in the hospital

minds constantly changing

 harboring the uneasiness of choices

the universe unfolding its plans

{though i have come to realize...they are ones in which i will never understand}

the dust settled

and snow began to fall

Max Ehrmann Once Said:

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.  And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should."

the waiting is over

there is something EXTRAORDINARY that lies within my father

he has faced many of challenges and yet conquered on when most would have gave in 

 i honor him greatly

9...6

the waiting is over

a final word was given

one fathers treatment is that of a CURATIVE one

peace of mind for all

a sense of movement has begun

an accomplishment he will forever carry

TRIUMPH

attempting to settle once more

feeling the weight has been lifted

Thomas Paine Once Said:

"The harder the conflict, The more glorious the triumph. What we obtain to cheap, We esteem to lightly; It is dearness only that gives everything it's value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, That can gather strength from distress and grow."

my first of pints~

with thanks to our wee littlest one for supporting and capturing me as i pondered this thing called blood

i will not lie

i have found many of excuses this past month

came up with zillions of reasons as to why i could not go

when really

there was no truth in even one

i knew it was something i wanted to do

but i also knew i DO NOT like being stuck by a needle

i am not the easiest one 

one poke leads to another and then another

with the high hopes of a nurses voice saying

no worries i can get it this time

it isn't until they wave the white flag and surrender to a higher one

that a needle finally slides into the place it belongs

then it is in co operation

of my blood wanting to leave my body

there have been many of times it has just flat out refused

resulting in just a few mere drops

i came to the conclusion long ago

that my veins

really do not enjoy

engaging in this kind of play

so as much as i felt the desire and need to go forth 

to step up and donate my first pint of blood

i was extremely hesitant

yesterday morning it dawned on me

we were officially falling into the final days of january

and i had yet to do this one little thing

i began dragging my feet

looking outside

seeing the dark fogginess of the day

saying to our littles well maybe tomorrow

then i realized

if not today then when

this is a conversation i have had to have with myself every now and again

i could be held queen of procrastination...a kingdom of  maybe tomorrows

i know myself quite well

if not now then i probably never would

and so i picked myself up

flung myself and littles into our car 

and we slowly made our way downtown

an hour or so later

we were walking back to our car

and in the end

the story unfolds

one vein happily obliged

one pint of blood was taken with ease

one arm proudly wrapped up in a bandage

and i walked away with a wonderful sense of gratitude

It has been said:

"True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return."

9...4~

januarys moments are a bit tantalizing 

9...4

the freshness of air

the simplicity in being outdoors

balancing the contrasts of warmth and cold 

the light of day lasting an hour longer

 star filled skies

teasing delights of sunshine 

a wave of unexpected sadness

 comfort in knowing she was and is at peace 

haunting reminders of lost connections that run deep both near and far

Dr. Seuss Once Said:

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."

forgotten silence~

there is a forgotten silence filling our home

a quietness that became a faint memory in the back of my mind

we are feeling all a little out of sorts

slowly gathering our lives

and sorting them back out

i think we all became accustom to the way in which we were living

not so much because we wanted to 

but more so because we needed to

i am no longer marked by a calender of time

a movement that had me not thinking 

just actively doing

being driven by a force of what had to be done

yesterday was that of mostly sitting

with small doses of stirring about

reflecting upon what we overcame

and wondering now where my life will lead

sitting here this morning relishing in my thought 

"time is in the palm of my hands"

and pondering

what i shall do

of happy endings~

as with life...when one door closes...it allows for another to open

for six and a half months...i have been reminding my mom that there

WILL

come a day when dad wakes and says

I WANT TO GO HOME

yesterday that day arrived

i am not writing to say that his journey with cancer is complete...it is a far cry from being over...he still will have years ahead of him of being watched and rechecked...but...yesterday marked a surreal turning point

he has come full circle

he has endured an excruciating treatment along side the many of unpredictable challenges that arose throughout the months that were...and as of late... his time has been spent healing...and healing he is doing in the most remarkable of ways

a bittersweet day this will be

though we all are yearning deep within

to go back to our normal ways of living

there has been a silence of comfort that has lingered

all of us together...depending upon...relying upon...a needing of sorts

it has not been because of  

ONE but of ALL

including each of you

together we carried each other along

i am filled with the deepest of gratitude

one that has overwhelmingly filled me with tears

 tears in knowing

my father is here

he fought one of the hardest battles a man can fight

one in which some do not walk away

but for him

he is walking this day

and i know will be for a long time to come

Mathew E. Fryer Once Said:

"With every road block a detour is built. With every ending a new beginning is defined. Embracing a challenge makes life interesting but overcoming it makes life meaningful."

9...3~

it has been few and far between that i have walked away from a week feeling completely at ease

JUBILANT

feeling or expressing great happiness and triumph

9...3

walking away from many moments feeling jubilant

one father marks a turning point in recovering

our lives slowly beginning to return to their rhythms of once was

a mailbox being filled with letters from afar

silent pick me ups laced with love

time with pen in hand

art through that of different eyes 

rain subsides

simmering in the goodness of life

Rumi Once Said:

"Let  yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray."

looking beyond~

when something extraordinary comes from the ordinary

do you see what i see!?!

weaving a summertime dream~

 in darkness i dreamed

of the spring and summer months

time spent lingering through the farmers markets

picking the produce

tasting the sweets

and filling my bag full plum full of treats

somewhere along the line

i drifted from markets

to a bag of overflowing adventures

just large enough for a weekend getaway 

within a ball of tangled twine...i weaved a summertime dream of mine...i could see the brightness of light...i could feel the warmth beaming from our golden sun...i could hear his voice as he says now and we gleefully oblige...with bag in hand i gathered our things...we hop in our truck knowing where the road will lead will be that of newness...unplanned and always unknown as that is the manner of him...we wind around curvy roads and over the hills to places that seem untouched by another...we inch our way toward the mountain side until we find a river that lie...and out we go...bag in hand...a sense of peace rushing over us...knowing we are exactly where we belong that day...in some forgotten place...where no one else is surrounding our space...a moment in time...to sit in the silence of the glowing hot sun and live within that summertime dream

Louisa May Alcott Once Said:

"We all have our own kind of life to pursue, Our own kind of dream to be weaving, And we all have the power to make wishes come true, As long as we keep believing."

9...2~

makes me think

a golden hour

9...2

a january storm

winds that spoke far beyond a howl

rains that came with a fierceness that spread

one fire place roaring

many moments of just being

no needs to be met

having only one place that was calling

a sense of time at hand

embracing each day as they begin unfold

John Boswell Once Said:

"Winter, a lingering season. It is a time to gather golden moments, embark on a sentimental journey and enjoy ever idle hour." 

13+1~

 

every year is a little different from the last

a practice for years i have come to know

i chose to draw up a year of cards 

it is always with the intention of at least 12 to come forth

yet strangely enough there is always a different way of sums 

there are ones that gently fall from my hands

and then there are ones that feel as if they leap from the pile

saying its me...its me

this practice is simple

mindful for me

a reflection as the months make way

offering hindsight as the days within unfold

a glimpse of a possible future

knowing all the same

that life can change in a simple blink of an eye

a tool

that leaves me hopeful yet warned

an offering 

a way to glance to and from

with a deeper understanding for the things that arise

it is in doing

appreciating each as they lay

it is in knowing you can not meld them as you wish

and in believing that as with life and living all things change

they are a sense balance amongst the unknown

Joseph Campbell Once Said:

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

9...1~

 

my attempts in 2013 did not quite go as planned

the thought of catching up toward the end when i fell short

was well just not that appealing 

why go backward i thought

when i can move forward

so its one step towards filling in the blank pages

it happens but once a year

when most wake with a motivated plan

yet for us its a day we tend to veer far away from such

tis a day that is filled with the sweetest of sweets

to welcome and ring in the new

9...1

tummys plum full of cardamon filled round bits of deliciously wonderful lightly fried dough

savoring spiced apple syrup 

glasses filled with bubbles and orange

frosted white windows

rain less days that leave a bittery yet warm kind of feel

frustration released

therefor leading to peace

a new leaf turned

a fresh focused frame of mind

Someone Once Said:

"Life is an open book full of blank pages...You write the story as you go."

be the wind~

sometimes just sometimes~

dec 14 2013

Because sometimes just sometimes the simple route is just not that easy to attain

Yesterday dad met with a GI dr to re~discuss the possibility of a feeding tube...he has been on tpn for almost two months and they would like to get him off of it as soon as possible...he has been struggling to drink ~ eat anything orally which long story short has left his body depleted of many vital minerals and vitamins that are needed to produce red blood cells and to plainly keep you feeling well

as of yesterday his hematocrit level was borderline for him needing a blood transfusion 

So as you probably have guessed by now...yep...last night we headed back up...he is back to his favorite spa for a little nourishment...they started his blood transfusion a little while ago...he is extremely exhausted but hopefully as the day goes on he will perk up...

as I type dad is receiving his second blood transfusion as his blood counts are still low...he and his body responded very well to the first unit and he spent the day sleeping pretty well

as mom and I left...we saw a man coming down the hallway carrying a box with "human blood" written on it...I looked at him and said " I think you are carrying just what we were waiting for...thank you." The man just looked at me and continued down the hallway...as we walked outside there his car was parked..."the puget sound blood bank"...silently I said thank you

And now i sit here at home somber just as i have been all day

Blood...this is something I have never put much thought into...I have witnessed more than two handfuls of lives being brought into this world and two lives being taken...I have cleaned and mended many of wounds...i have seen and had plenty of blood being drawn but never have I seen or watched blood being given

Yesterday and today was not that of fear or sadness but of knowing and being accepting that this day may come...knowing and witnessing a life being sustained...a day where I sat there blankly most of the time crocheting time away...a day where random thoughts kept coming and going and pondering this thing called blood

O+ who ever you are...I thank you...me I have never donated a drop...I have many of excuses but when it comes down to it...none will ever be valid enough...not now or in the future for me...today watching my father as he was receiving blood was a surreal moment that immediately changed how I feel...such a simple small thing to do that each day makes all the difference in this world.

wishful white thinking~

no...it wasn't much

nor quite enough

but we took what we got and enjoyed it all the same

hoping though

yes hoping

that yesterdays fleeting flurry

was a glimpse of a winter of white that will soon come forth

!?! wishful thinking right !?!

Someone Once Said:

"Wishful thinking is one thing and reality another."

last week will forever linger~

many many moons ago a message came my way...a possible visit from a land far far away...the thought...just the thought...that it could quite come to be...was plenty for me

then as most of you know...our life as a family went by the way side...ups and downs and twists and turns that were all unforeseen unknown and unpreventable

my days continued on in this crazy spiraling path and before even realizing that thought that once lay out in the vastness of the world was actually manifesting into a real plan and time was ticking away far quicker than i could count on my hand was coming at me full speed 

and life as we know...more than ever before...decided to throw me another curve ball...the day we were going in to see if my dads treatment worked was the same day that i was to be at the train station awaiting the arrival of two very dear yet far away friends

i thought to myself why could this be...really...the one chance i have to meet these two face to face after days weeks months and years of visiting through the land of blogs...was really going to happen in the present moment and state of disarray that my life is currently situated in...a time when my life is so far from what it normally is...a time when my home is a far cry from the decency that it would once normally reside...and to add to i have to attempt to pull it all together on a day that i can only wish for such good news

and as i pondered all these crazy wild thoughts above...it occurred to me...why else would it be any different...this is my life...my life that they are and will be coming to see

me. just. as. i. am.

and then i thought...they...these two dear ones...are a good omen to me...my good omen sent forth for me to receive...why else would the universe send them my way on this very day...and so it was...such a beautiful blessing and omen they were and are...one that i will hold very close at hand for a long time to come

these two were exactly what i needed on that very day...all my troubles and worries...fatigue and to do's got to be temporarily placed on hold to enjoy the most wonderful visit of visits to be had...they brought an old familiar comfort like a blanket you have wrapped yourself in for years...an ever flowing conversation and sense of calming peace resonating as the minutes went by...strange as it may sound or be to many...to haev such a chance...too be able to meet two very real people who i have called friends for quite some time was most wonderful indeed...sigh...life feels grand...even if it is just for this moment in time

barry and fiona...i thank you for making your way to our land...for taking such time to stumble over and visit...and next time...oh yes...next time...we shall see you both on your mountain side

Someone once said:

"We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason."

the wonders & delights of salt lake city...day three~

day three brought time together in between his meetings...a moment to slip away and savor the lunch hour together...then back we went to the hotel for he had more business to attend...and me i continued wandering about relaxing back in our room...

when night arrived and his day had officially came to a close...when had the intention of going out for fondue...well this mighty plan abruptly came to a close as all their burners were out in the bar and it was a two hour wait to sit and dine...

we crossed the street and started aimlessly walking around... naming off places we saw...and then without even realizing earlier in the day...there sat a quaint little hole in the wall mediterranean restaurant...a sign from above...this was truly meant to be...of all the places we would chose to eat...greek food sits first on top of our list...this little hole in the wall that sat no more than ten people exceeded every possible expectation one could have for a meal...and then came dessert...sinfully wonderfully deliciously good...

and all too soon another day was quickly coming to an end

Someone once said:

"Never let a stumble in the road be the end of the journey."

the wonders & delights of salt lake city...day 2~

even on a holiday...i tend to go about my normal way...lucky for one as he can always sleep in and wake knowing coffee will be at hand...he has come to learn and accept this way of mine...and he does not budge when i slip out of bed and sneak out the door...i have always savored my early morning hours and this is one of those things that may never change...to grab my coffee and head out the door and witness the silence of a city slowly come to a wake...i have always loved the darkening hours

day two was filled with one love attending to business matters and leaving me to play...i watched the sunrise and pondered a bath...and well i could not resist soaking in such tub...i created the biggest bubble bath i ever have...so much so i almost overfilled the tub as i walked away to put away my camera...the thought of such made me laugh...but for me...knowing there would be absolutely no one knocking on my door...no littles calling my name...serenity was at hand...and this i had to embrace

i pondered knitting patterns while working on a scarf there in between...and after a good hour of deciphering...i decided if not now then probably never...so i reserved me a spot for the hotels grand high tea...i am learning to be alone...comfortably alone in places...despite the curious glances...i delightfully dined and marveled in the delectables placed before me and me...i too exchanged those same curious glances back at those who surrounded me

being quite shunned from public transportation growing up...sounds silly i know...me...i alone...have never hopped into a taxi and this was another thing i knew if i did not seize the moment i would have been wishing i had...i walked down stairs and out the front door...sat there watching the taxis come and go and then stood up and walked right over to one and into town i went...i walked the streets that even during lunch hour remained pretty still...salt lake is not a crowed busy place...most of the people walked about at a very calm cool pace...which made wandering alone a very comforting place to be

and after hours of touring i made my way back to the hotel...what a pleasing feeling to return to a place that has been all spiffed up...that is the one thing i love about staying in a hotel...i do not like making beds...and to return to your room that has magically been made up as if you were never there...love...love...love...and before too long...the sun was slowly sinking bringing the day to an end and one love returned from his business matters and together we enjoyed the peacefulness of the night

Albert Einstein Once Said:  

" The woman who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before."