a soft dewy glow~
busily going about our ways
quite often these days
i am losing track of time
on the eve of her night
for what ever reason
i turned towards the dark
as if her energy was calling me near
i stepped out
to be graced with a fleeting minute or two of silence
before the clouds blanketed her
a soft dewy glow she was
lingering in the deep black sky
februarys snow moon
should be noted as a rain moon for us
there has been no sightings of snow
just showers through the night
heavy cloud covers kept me from her
when she rose to her fullest
thankful.though.for.the.moment.i.had
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Once Said:
"nothing that is can pause or stay...the moon will wax...the moon will wane...the mist and clouds will turn to rain...the rain to mist and clouds again...tomorrow be today."
who...what...when...why...where~
a quick hello before the month comes to an end
WHO: me
WHAT: writing a book
WHEN: now
WHY: because every persons story should be heard
WHERE: at home
PROMISE TO BE BACK SHORTLY
Maya Angelo Once Said:
"There is no greater agony
than bearing an untold story inside you"
change...
januarys card speaks of
change..a journey ending...a closing....completion...a homeward stretch...a finishing of sorts
...of new beginnings...of chance...of confidence...
its as if the universe is encouraging me...chanting to me...giving me the little extra nudges that need be...it is in accepting and knowing that change will not come if i am not the one creating the change...steering the wheel...driving the force...it is in this where i find myself lost
the cards they speak...they foretell
but it is up to me to LIGHT my way
{fingers crossed}
Lao Tzu once said:
"If you do not change direction...You may end up where your heading"
she hid in the night...
for most of the darkening hours that were
she hid silently behind a clouded night sky
when she finally appeared
her unto herself
an old moon in a bright new year
she was masked by the trees
with just a hint of golden light
faint as her casting
it was enough to catch my eye
and silence me so
light...
i have had quite a few conversations
which lead back to
"do...ing"
stop thinking...just do
i have been told this many of times before
i over think...over analyze...and then execute non
i get lost in my mind more often then not
last year i enjoyed the idea of not picking a word
but allowing my word to come to me in a different manner
and so i drifted towards the oracle cards once more
to chose my one little word for 2015
so many enticing energizing meanings wrapped within this word
LIGHT
may it be my beacon...my guide...my blaze for 2015
12 + 3...
a ritual
tis how i welcome a new calendar year
cards laid before me
waiting to expose what may be on the rise
the chances and changes to be coming my way
my intention is always that of 12
but the openness is there for others to present themselves
3 more cards came to be
these i am holding as my life cards to reflect upon for the year
a starting middle and ending
2015
is full of
growth of change of exploration of prosperity of happiness
of roots of motherhood and of finding my way
it is a first in many years that the days are to unfold in abundantly blessed ways
the last few years have spoken of hardship trials tribulations and proved very much so
to the unknown and where it will lead
Julien Smith said:
"Going to the unknown is how you expand what is known"
awaken...
the final hours are here
another year is coming to a close
since i woke this morning...the minutes have been rapidly diminishing coinciding with the same fleeting emotions i carried throughout 2014
it has felt like one of the longest yet quickest of years thus far
today...i paused...many times actually...reflecting upon the days that were and curiously wondering what the days of new will become
i have thought a great deal about my little word
{i had to go back to last January as i could not quite remember how i stumbled upon my word for the year} and as i read...my post...my word unexpectedly chosen
AWAKEN
took on a whole new meaning than what i originally thought or per say planned it to mean
i was anxious on many accounts to get back to how we once were...to continue with a certain momentum that i had always attained...i wanted to dive head first...submerging and pushing myself in and with new endeavors...
i had grand plans
non.of.which.came.to.be
AWAKEN
came to me in a realization that things will never be as they were...life changes...people change...through the hard ships of living...the rigorous rowing and treading through stormy waters...through the sweet sailing days...growth is occurring...we are constantly evolving even if we can not see it on the forefront
AWAKEN
came to me is recognizing that what once was and what is now...was and is apart of my story...there has yet to be discovered a way to turn back the clocks of time...so instead of recreating and striving for the past...i could and can only move forward creating my now
AWAKEN
came to me when looking back...in simple subtle ways...nurturing ways...calming ways
AWAKEN
was not just about me but those that are in my life...the need to be present...nothing more...nothing less...just wholeheartedly present in their day to day
AWAKEN
was about realizing the need for myself to be...to simmering in my thoughts...to withdraw into my own silence...for acknowledging the truth behind what had all been
AWAKEN
it may not have been a boisterous year
but it was a year
a year in which
AWAKEN
slowly crept in and became a touchstone in my spirit and soul
Buddha once said:
"there is only one time when it is essential to awaken...the time is now"
may 2015
be a blessed one
for each of you
in darkness there is light~
the other day my love and i were talking
me: i think i stumbled upon one of my most favorite pictures i have taken
{to me...it is stunning...but its purely my own thought and opinion and i guess you could say i can be kind of partial to pictures i have taken}
my love: you should take more pictures of people
me: i do...of our family and you
my love: no of other people
me: why...i don't want to take random pictures of people
my love: why not
me: because i do not want to
my love: well couldn't you just do it sometimes
{as he and i were talking i was pulling up the picture to show him}
me: nope...look
{he looks at the picture above}
my love: wow...you need to keep taking pictures of trees
{insert laughing}
me: phew...glad we got that one figured out
I say:
"Living life is not about how someone else wants you to live...It's about living your life how you want to live."
36~
35
i remember the morning i was turning 35
my dad called and wished me well then ask how old are you going to be again
i said 35...he said god your getting old
i replied i know...i officially hit the half way point to 40
and as quick as can be he replied more like the half way point to 70
i replied thanks dad...way to really put my life in perspective
35 held a tumultuous amount of life changing moments
all packed into the mere 365 day that were
i think for the next 35 years now life will just be calm
wishful thinking right?!?
i moved slowly within my final days of 35
i pondered things i wanted to do to mark the final day
but decided otherwise
35 had i think enough momentous moments for me
so i settled for the nothing
36
is here
it was celebrated
QUIETLY CALMLY PEACEFULLY JOYFULLY
these past few weeks i have been
studying the art of doing nothing
and i think i can officially graduate with a masters degree
it felt nice
lately i have been thinking about
my life
where i want to be
what i want to do
and am looking forward to seeing where the days will lead
36
* finish writing one of my books
* print one my books
* sell one of my books
* continuing exploring new ways of selling my photography
* become apart of a farmers market
* have a booth is some sort of fair~bizarre~flea market frenzy
* read my camera book
{i have had my dream camera for almost two years now...its a lofty challenge for me...it is huge and filled with sssoooo much information...i can only sit for so long then i want to play with my camera...and alas the book gets put away for great lengths of time}
* buy the perfect shade of red lipstick
{i know this is silly but i am quite plain and simple...me and my rose lip balm go hand in hand...i realized it had been 18 years since i wore red lipstick...it was the first and the last and it was NOT BY CHOICE...i was summed to do such by my loving sister} even if i wear it just once throughout the rest of my life...i would like to attempt to try...though it is not to say i will leave my home...lol!}
* see montana
{i have had a fascination with montana ever since i saw a river runs through it years ago...my grandpa says why don't you just rent the movie again...so yes we are planning a road trip}
* zip line
* glass fusing
* pottery lessons
{in high school i never gave it a fair shot...i tried the wheel two times and decided it was not for me...i think it was because i really did not care at the time...it was a fun easy class i took to pass the time by}
* meet more of you wonderful people face to face
{was one of my greatest memories this year was being able to spend time with barry and fiona...two whom i had met through the land of blogs}
* camping...camping...camping
{as most of you know this is nothing new...just a normal for us...but our truck has been being rebuilt for the past year and well there has not been ONE single adventure since last february...so making it a priority to help my love with whatever i can in order to get our truck complete}
* cold process soap
{this scares me...i am not too good with chemicals...i have this fear i will blow something up...but i want to do this and my sister said she would assist and be my mad scientist}
* canning
{ i have done this sparingly...but this year i will be making good use of every waking thriving fruit and vegetable that comes to be}
* begin teaching one wee little one how to drive
{frightening right...and i know he is not so little...but he's our baby...so little he will always be! i want to be apart of this process and memory}
* help one little become sponsored on his scooter
{sometimes we forget to really pay attention to the desire and strengths of our children...i want to help him achieve this dream...though he is doing amazingly well thus far on his own}
* learn to play the violin
* double the amount we saved in 2013
* volunteer
* continue eliminating useless consumed items in our house
* finish our floors
{only have the living room and kitchen left}
* plant fruit trees
{thinking pears}
* pursue wine making with my love
* make kombucha
{failed at our first attempt}
* pondering joining the belly dancing competing & traveling group
{was asked last spring to join the competing group but had to decline do to our circumstances that arose}
* continue exploring life alone
* master driving a stick shift
(this is a work in progress that is filled with much laughter}
* learn how to do stand up paddle boarding
* learn a new language
* make salted caramels
* take an aroma therapy class
* sew more
* master knitting in the round
{i can knit perfectly well on two straight stick but still challenging to get my first round on circular needles to look uniform}
* ENJOY EACH AND EVERY SINGLE DAY WHETHER I AM DOING SOMETHING OR NOTHING
quite a mouthful right
wondering which one will i work on first
i may have used this quote before but its a good one all the same
Abraham Lincoln Once Said:
"In the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
clearing the fog~
my shadowy fog
that lingered for so long
is disappearing
life is feeling lighter
the weight of the world no longer sitting on my shoulders
i am dancing through my days slowly
swaying to and from
there are no swift steps to stumble upon
just rocking to and from
breathing ever so deeply
and enjoying every moment of such
doing nothing...absolutely nothing
ok...that's a lie...there is always much to do but once more we are falling into our own rhythm...not sure how many more times i can type such but this time it feels good...it feels right...it feels like it is going to last
Maya Angelo Once Said:
"Everything in the Universe has a rhythm, Everything dances."
9...5 & 6~
as february arose
so too came another gentle tease from old man winter
dropping bits of love for us to discover
9...5
our calmness abruptly changed
feeling as if life was tapping on our shoulders
reminding us that at any given moment everything can change
one father back in the hospital
minds constantly changing
harboring the uneasiness of choices
the universe unfolding its plans
{though i have come to realize...they are ones in which i will never understand}
the dust settled
and snow began to fall
Max Ehrmann Once Said:
"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should."
the waiting is over
there is something EXTRAORDINARY that lies within my father
he has faced many of challenges and yet conquered on when most would have gave in
i honor him greatly
9...6
the waiting is over
a final word was given
one fathers treatment is that of a CURATIVE one
peace of mind for all
a sense of movement has begun
an accomplishment he will forever carry
TRIUMPH
attempting to settle once more
feeling the weight has been lifted
Thomas Paine Once Said:
"The harder the conflict, The more glorious the triumph. What we obtain to cheap, We esteem to lightly; It is dearness only that gives everything it's value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, That can gather strength from distress and grow."
my first of pints~
with thanks to our wee littlest one for supporting and capturing me as i pondered this thing called blood
i will not lie
i have found many of excuses this past month
came up with zillions of reasons as to why i could not go
when really
there was no truth in even one
i knew it was something i wanted to do
but i also knew i DO NOT like being stuck by a needle
i am not the easiest one
one poke leads to another and then another
with the high hopes of a nurses voice saying
no worries i can get it this time
it isn't until they wave the white flag and surrender to a higher one
that a needle finally slides into the place it belongs
then it is in co operation
of my blood wanting to leave my body
there have been many of times it has just flat out refused
resulting in just a few mere drops
i came to the conclusion long ago
that my veins
really do not enjoy
engaging in this kind of play
so as much as i felt the desire and need to go forth
to step up and donate my first pint of blood
i was extremely hesitant
yesterday morning it dawned on me
we were officially falling into the final days of january
and i had yet to do this one little thing
i began dragging my feet
looking outside
seeing the dark fogginess of the day
saying to our littles well maybe tomorrow
then i realized
if not today then when
this is a conversation i have had to have with myself every now and again
i could be held queen of procrastination...a kingdom of maybe tomorrows
i know myself quite well
if not now then i probably never would
and so i picked myself up
flung myself and littles into our car
and we slowly made our way downtown
an hour or so later
we were walking back to our car
and in the end
the story unfolds
one vein happily obliged
one pint of blood was taken with ease
one arm proudly wrapped up in a bandage
and i walked away with a wonderful sense of gratitude
It has been said:
"True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return."
9...4~
januarys moments are a bit tantalizing
9...4
the freshness of air
the simplicity in being outdoors
balancing the contrasts of warmth and cold
the light of day lasting an hour longer
star filled skies
teasing delights of sunshine
a wave of unexpected sadness
comfort in knowing she was and is at peace
haunting reminders of lost connections that run deep both near and far
Dr. Seuss Once Said:
"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."
of happy endings~
as with life...when one door closes...it allows for another to open
for six and a half months...i have been reminding my mom that there
WILL
come a day when dad wakes and says
I WANT TO GO HOME
yesterday that day arrived
i am not writing to say that his journey with cancer is complete...it is a far cry from being over...he still will have years ahead of him of being watched and rechecked...but...yesterday marked a surreal turning point
he has come full circle
he has endured an excruciating treatment along side the many of unpredictable challenges that arose throughout the months that were...and as of late... his time has been spent healing...and healing he is doing in the most remarkable of ways
a bittersweet day this will be
though we all are yearning deep within
to go back to our normal ways of living
there has been a silence of comfort that has lingered
all of us together...depending upon...relying upon...a needing of sorts
it has not been because of
ONE but of ALL
including each of you
together we carried each other along
i am filled with the deepest of gratitude
one that has overwhelmingly filled me with tears
tears in knowing
my father is here
he fought one of the hardest battles a man can fight
one in which some do not walk away
but for him
he is walking this day
and i know will be for a long time to come
Mathew E. Fryer Once Said:
"With every road block a detour is built. With every ending a new beginning is defined. Embracing a challenge makes life interesting but overcoming it makes life meaningful."
9...3~
it has been few and far between that i have walked away from a week feeling completely at ease
JUBILANT
feeling or expressing great happiness and triumph
9...3
walking away from many moments feeling jubilant
one father marks a turning point in recovering
our lives slowly beginning to return to their rhythms of once was
a mailbox being filled with letters from afar
silent pick me ups laced with love
time with pen in hand
art through that of different eyes
rain subsides
simmering in the goodness of life
Rumi Once Said:
"Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray."
beautiful moments~
a piece of art unfolds
unleashing my inhibitions
allowing my creativity to freely roam about
"because sometimes...just sometimes...a moment is all you need"
brandi r burdick
weaving a summertime dream~
in darkness i dreamed
of the spring and summer months
time spent lingering through the farmers markets
picking the produce
tasting the sweets
and filling my bag full plum full of treats
somewhere along the line
i drifted from markets
to a bag of overflowing adventures
just large enough for a weekend getaway
within a ball of tangled twine...i weaved a summertime dream of mine...i could see the brightness of light...i could feel the warmth beaming from our golden sun...i could hear his voice as he says now and we gleefully oblige...with bag in hand i gathered our things...we hop in our truck knowing where the road will lead will be that of newness...unplanned and always unknown as that is the manner of him...we wind around curvy roads and over the hills to places that seem untouched by another...we inch our way toward the mountain side until we find a river that lie...and out we go...bag in hand...a sense of peace rushing over us...knowing we are exactly where we belong that day...in some forgotten place...where no one else is surrounding our space...a moment in time...to sit in the silence of the glowing hot sun and live within that summertime dream
Louisa May Alcott Once Said:
"We all have our own kind of life to pursue, Our own kind of dream to be weaving, And we all have the power to make wishes come true, As long as we keep believing."
9...2~
makes me think
a golden hour
9...2
a january storm
winds that spoke far beyond a howl
rains that came with a fierceness that spread
one fire place roaring
many moments of just being
no needs to be met
having only one place that was calling
a sense of time at hand
embracing each day as they begin unfold
John Boswell Once Said:
"Winter, a lingering season. It is a time to gather golden moments, embark on a sentimental journey and enjoy ever idle hour."