nov 5

yesterdays drive home from the hospital was surreal...dad and i looked out the windows noticing how the season is passing in a blink of an eye and the sky held a touch of a wintery smile...

as we drove along dad and i expressed to one another how elated yet exhausted we were and how we were filled with many emotions...i turned to him and said "what are we going to do with ourselves now?" and then we both laughed...no more daily appointments...drives to seattle...back and forth...rushing around every morning to make sure we get out of the house on time...NOTHING...we have nothing scheduled until the 12th...

9 weeks ago, we got into my car...quiet on both of our behalves...it was a long, slow drive...no music lingering in the background...a staleness in our conversation...we had seen every doctor and nurse possible...we had been told everything we needed to know and what he was to expect but the reality was...neither of us really new what was about to happen or the journey dad would be starting...we were filled with still an abundance of questions that we knew as the days went by...slowly those answers would sort themselves and all that remained foreign would eventually become just a way of life...and sure enough a way of life it did become...

9 weeks ago...dad walked through the doors of radiation and faced cancer in the face...his fight to beat head and neck cancer began...

throughout these 9 weeks...dad amazed me with his strength...endurance...courageand will...as tough as times were...he never gave in to weakness...he never gave in to cancer...he woke each morning...mentally just as strong as the day before...he carried with him the words...I CAN DO THIS...and THIS HE DID...with a great deal of humor and grace...

9 weeks have passed and i sit here in awe...a loss for words as i am trying to type this...trying to summarize what i wish to express...i have so many thoughts...so much i want to say...9 weeks ago...our lives changed...and as i sit here thinking, i know now we are to attempt to get back to a some what normal state of living...a normal that as the days go by will continue to change...

i shared with dad yesterday what a testament too many he was and is...how thankful and proud i am for him opening himself up during one of the most personal, intimate moments of his life and how by allowing us to share his journey openly helped so many including us as a family...and it allowed so many to help us and bring us a sense of peace and comfort and drive to keep each of us walking positively and strongly through the days with him...

within these 9 weeks...some scrutinized or criticized us for sharing dads journey publicly...and for these i am just as thankful...because with each passing comment or thought of another...it just reinforced the preciousness of life...life is not always pretty...life is not always what we wish it to be...life is life...good and bad...and in the end, if sharing dads journey helped or helps one day to touched even one single soul...well then...

IT WAS ALL WORTH IT...

every.single.word.and.picture.shared.here.

because reality is there is CANCER in our world...

CANCER IS REAL...CANCER IS WRETCHED...and at this moment...CANCER remains a daily battle each and every waking moment for someone in this world in which we live...so why would we hide it...disguise the ugliness and misguide others...why not share and possibly bring HOPE to another that no matter how horrible the day may feel...the sun will rise again in the morning and with that there will come a light that lifts all the misery...comfort in knowing that all they are experiencing, there is someone else out there that is or has been through a similar...that they are not alone...someone is and someone has walked the same line as them in some way, shape or form...

For 9 weeks we have carried HOPE in our pockets...now our HOPE changes to healing thoughts and wishes...HOPE that with each passing day, dad will continue to heal and recover from this wild ride he has had to endure...Hope in knowing when he revisits the ent dr. in december...dad will be told HE IS CURED...CANCER FREE...

9 weeks...YOU out there in this big wide world have been a beautiful part of dads journey and a blessing to us all as a family...there will never be adequate words to express how grateful we are for the love and support that has been given each day...it was within each of you, your words, comments and silent prayers that carried dad and our family through these last 9 weeks that have been...and for that we are forever thankful...