9...3~

it has been few and far between that i have walked away from a week feeling completely at ease

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JUBILANT

feeling or expressing great happiness and triumph

 

9...3

 

walking away from many moments feeling jubilant

one father marks a turning point in recovering

our lives slowly beginning to return to their rhythms of once was

a mailbox being filled with letters from afar

silent pick me ups laced with love

time with pen in hand

art through that of different eyes 

rain subsides

simmering in the goodness of life

 

 

Rumi Once Said:

 

"Let  yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray."

 

when darkness arrives~

there is a unquestionable fondness i behold

wrapped within  januarys dawn and dusk skies 

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when darkness arrives

it beckons with light

the softness of pinks

tainted with golden hues smeared throughout

silhouettes and shadows reflecting

mingling perfectly

the contrast of dark and light

a sense of warmth is given

as it slices finely through the crispness of winter

a dance begins 

as dawn and dusk unfold

weaving a summertime dream~

 in darkness i dreamed

of the spring and summer months

time spent lingering through the farmers markets

picking the produce

tasting the sweets

and filling my bag full plum full of treats

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somewhere along the line

i drifted from markets

to a bag of overflowing adventures

just large enough for a weekend getaway 

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within a ball of tangled twine...i weaved a summertime dream of mine...i could see the brightness of light...i could feel the warmth beaming from our golden sun...i could hear his voice as he says now and we gleefully oblige...with bag in hand i gathered our things...we hop in our truck knowing where the road will lead will be that of newness...unplanned and always unknown as that is the manner of him...we wind around curvy roads and over the hills to places that seem untouched by another...we inch our way toward the mountain side until we find a river that lie...and out we go...bag in hand...a sense of peace rushing over us...knowing we are exactly where we belong that day...in some forgotten place...where no one else is surrounding our space...a moment in time...to sit in the silence of the glowing hot sun and live within that summertime dream

 

Louisa May Alcott Once Said:

"We all have our own kind of life to pursue, Our own kind of dream to be weaving, And we all have the power to make wishes come true, As long as we keep believing."

9...2~

makes me think

a golden hour

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9...2

 

a january storm

winds that spoke far beyond a howl

rains that came with a fierceness that spread

one fire place roaring

many moments of just being

no needs to be met

having only one place that was calling

a sense of time at hand

embracing each day as they begin unfold

 

 

John Boswell Once Said:

 

"Winter, a lingering season. It is a time to gather golden moments, embark on a sentimental journey and enjoy ever idle hour." 

 

 

13+1~

 

 

every year is a little different from the last

 

a practice for years i have come to know

i chose to draw up a year of cards 

it is always with the intention of at least 12 to come forth

yet strangely enough there is always a different way of sums 

 

there are ones that gently fall from my hands

and then there are ones that feel as if they leap from the pile

saying its me...its me

 

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this practice is simple

mindful for me

 

a reflection as the months make way

offering hindsight as the days within unfold

 

a glimpse of a possible future

 

knowing all the same

that life can change in a simple blink of an eye

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a tool

that leaves me hopeful yet warned

 

an offering 

 

a way to glance to and from

with a deeper understanding for the things that arise

 

it is in doing

appreciating each as they lay

 

it is in knowing you can not meld them as you wish

and in believing that as with life and living all things change

 

they are a sense balance amongst the unknown

 

 

Joseph Campbell Once Said:

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

 

deserving~

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DESERVING

 

...worthy of...

 

is it in this idea that we deserve everything be it in good or bad that comes our way...in holding onto the thoughts that we are destined for the wonderfully good or doomed for the terribly bad

or is it in holding tight to the belief that what comes before us is presented before us for reasons far greater than we will ever know...is it in realizing or possibly discovering our inner strength which might not have been uncovered if our challenges were not endured...is it in rejoicing in the good and rejoicing in the bad...it is in learning that we can prevail through what ever life brings our way...is it in helping us realize we are worthy of achieving goodness if only we attempted to welcome and persevere through each triumph or struggle brought forth each day..is it in recognizing we deserve nothing but we are worthy of everything 

 

 

collectively gathering change~

 

late fall early winter

we witnessed a change

during the darkening of our days

 

as light diminished 

transformation began

 

fascinating to see how

as the light slowly slipped away

so too did the feathers of our girls

 

one by one

they dropped to the ground

 

the old being shed

without even a choice

 

releasing themselves 

to such a bare and vulnerable state

 

yet how they stood of grace

while they endured their transformation

as they awaited their newness

that would soon come to be

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i could hardly keep up

with the feathers that were gracing our yard

 

maybe i am strange

but to me

they are a piece of delicateness

that we do not behold

 

a symbol of flight

of a journey that once was

unique eachly and rightly so 

 

some laid showing the weatheredness of time

while others seemed as if they were new

never touched or affected by the days that were

 

how could i not gingerly pick them up

wash them dry them and admire their beauty

 

we became apart of their cycle

their season that was

i could sense a completion

as the wheel began to turn

 

interesting that they too take to the shift of seasons

just as we

 

though ours seems ever so slight

 not as apparent to the eyes that are watching

more of a silent transition 

that surfaces with time

 

amazing what nature unfolds

all before our very eyes

 

 

Someone Once Said:

"Sometimes in the winds of change, We find our true direction."

9...1~

 

my attempts in 2013 did not quite go as planned

the thought of catching up toward the end when i fell short

was well just not that appealing 

 

why go backward i thought

when i can move forward

 

so its one step towards filling in the blank pages

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it happens but once a year

when most wake with a motivated plan

yet for us its a day we tend to veer far away from such

 

tis a day that is filled with the sweetest of sweets

to welcome and ring in the new

 

9...1

 

tummys plum full of cardamon filled round bits of deliciously wonderful lightly fried dough

savoring spiced apple syrup 

glasses filled with bubbles and orange

frosted white windows

rain less days that leave a bittery yet warm kind of feel

frustration released

therefor leading to peace

a new leaf turned

a fresh focused frame of mind

 

 

Someone Once Said:

"Life is an open book full of blank pages...You write the story as you go."

 

awaken~

on the first of january

i came upon my word for the year

in a different manner than i usually do

 

i chose to draw one oracle card 

allowing 2014 to be completely free from my own will and desires

and i do have to say i was quite pleased with the card that unfolded

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a·wak·en

əˈwākən/

verb

rouse from sleep; cause to stop sleeping

 

and so shall it be

 


my

* word *

that will accompany me 

through the next three hundred and sixty sum odd days


in the years prior i always seemed to chose healing words 

and now it is time to entertain and embrace a new kind of feel


2013 i tip toed around and then fell into a bit of a slumber..occasionally i'd dangle my feet in the waters...gently touching the streams...but nothing more than paltry splashes here and there...this year...i want to submerge myself...i want to jump in and swim through the untouched waters and set sail on new adventures and endeavors

and all those wild dreams that have been laying dormant shall manifest


heres to

AWAKENING

my spirit and muse


" I am alive. I am awake. I am that I am."



all i can say is~

 

...WHAT.A.YEAR...

 

nothing less

nothing more

but simply

 

...WHAT.A.YEAR...

 

and i end it being sick...it was bound to happen...there was no denying such...being in a home filled with so many...somehow...someway...i managed to escape the illnesses and bugs that lingered...all up until two days ago...

thoughts of recollecting the past 365 days...mmm...not so much...head would like to explode...so i shall reminisce some other day or maybe not

 

but for now...me..i am truly counting down these final hours

 

fare thee well 2013

 

sometimes just sometimes~

 

dec 14 2013

Because sometimes just sometimes the simple route is just not that easy to attain

Yesterday dad met with a GI dr to re~discuss the possibility of a feeding tube...he has been on tpn for almost two months and they would like to get him off of it as soon as possible...he has been struggling to drink ~ eat anything orally which long story short has left his body depleted of many vital minerals and vitamins that are needed to produce red blood cells and to plainly keep you feeling well

as of yesterday his hematocrit level was borderline for him needing a blood transfusion 

So as you probably have guessed by now...yep...last night we headed back up...he is back to his favorite spa for a little nourishment...they started his blood transfusion a little while ago...he is extremely exhausted but hopefully as the day goes on he will perk up...

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as I type dad is receiving his second blood transfusion as his blood counts are still low...he and his body responded very well to the first unit and he spent the day sleeping pretty well

as mom and I left...we saw a man coming down the hallway carrying a box with "human blood" written on it...I looked at him and said " I think you are carrying just what we were waiting for...thank you." The man just looked at me and continued down the hallway...as we walked outside there his car was parked..."the puget sound blood bank"...silently I said thank you

And now i sit here at home somber just as i have been all day

Blood...this is something I have never put much thought into...I have witnessed more than two handfuls of lives being brought into this world and two lives being taken...I have cleaned and mended many of wounds...i have seen and had plenty of blood being drawn but never have I seen or watched blood being given

Yesterday and today was not that of fear or sadness but of knowing and being accepting that this day may come...knowing and witnessing a life being sustained...a day where I sat there blankly most of the time crocheting time away...a day where random thoughts kept coming and going and pondering this thing called blood

O+ who ever you are...I thank you...me I have never donated a drop...I have many of excuses but when it comes down to it...none will ever be valid enough...not now or in the future for me...today watching my father as he was receiving blood was a surreal moment that immediately changed how I feel...such a simple small thing to do that each day makes all the difference in this world.