9...5 & 6~

as february arose 

so too came another gentle tease from old man winter

dropping bits of love for us to discover

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our calmness abruptly changed

feeling as if life was tapping on our shoulders 

reminding us that at any given moment everything can change

one father back in the hospital

minds constantly changing

 harboring the uneasiness of choices

the universe unfolding its plans

{though i have come to realize...they are ones in which i will never understand}

the dust settled

and snow began to fall

Max Ehrmann Once Said:

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.  And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the Universe is unfolding as it should."

the waiting is over

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there is something EXTRAORDINARY that lies within my father

he has faced many of challenges and yet conquered on when most would have gave in 

 i honor him greatly


the waiting is over

a final word was given

one fathers treatment is that of a CURATIVE one

peace of mind for all

a sense of movement has begun

an accomplishment he will forever carry


attempting to settle once more

feeling the weight has been lifted

Thomas Paine Once Said:

"The harder the conflict, The more glorious the triumph. What we obtain to cheap, We esteem to lightly; It is dearness only that gives everything it's value. I love the man that can smile in trouble, That can gather strength from distress and grow."

my first of pints~

with thanks to our wee littlest one for supporting and capturing me as i pondered this thing called blood

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i will not lie


i have found many of excuses this past month

came up with zillions of reasons as to why i could not go

when really

there was no truth in even one


i knew it was something i wanted to do

but i also knew i DO NOT like being stuck by a needle


i am not the easiest one 

one poke leads to another and then another

with the high hopes of a nurses voice saying

no worries i can get it this time

it isn't until they wave the white flag and surrender to a higher one

that a needle finally slides into the place it belongs

then it is in co operation

of my blood wanting to leave my body

there have been many of times it has just flat out refused

resulting in just a few mere drops


i came to the conclusion long ago

that my veins

really do not enjoy

engaging in this kind of play


so as much as i felt the desire and need to go forth 

to step up and donate my first pint of blood

i was extremely hesitant


yesterday morning it dawned on me

we were officially falling into the final days of january

and i had yet to do this one little thing


i began dragging my feet

looking outside

seeing the dark fogginess of the day

saying to our littles well maybe tomorrow


then i realized

if not today then when

this is a conversation i have had to have with myself every now and again

i could be held queen of procrastination...a kingdom of  maybe tomorrows


i know myself quite well

if not now then i probably never would


and so i picked myself up

flung myself and littles into our car 

and we slowly made our way downtown


an hour or so later

we were walking back to our car


and in the end

the story unfolds


one vein happily obliged

one pint of blood was taken with ease

one arm proudly wrapped up in a bandage

and i walked away with a wonderful sense of gratitude


It has been said:

"True kindness lies within the act of giving without the expectation of something in return."



januarys moments are a bit tantalizing 

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the freshness of air

the simplicity in being outdoors

balancing the contrasts of warmth and cold 

the light of day lasting an hour longer

 star filled skies

teasing delights of sunshine 

a wave of unexpected sadness

 comfort in knowing she was and is at peace 

haunting reminders of lost connections that run deep both near and far


Dr. Seuss Once Said:

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."


forgotten silence~

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there is a forgotten silence filling our home

a quietness that became a faint memory in the back of my mind


we are feeling all a little out of sorts

slowly gathering our lives

and sorting them back out


i think we all became accustom to the way in which we were living

not so much because we wanted to 

but more so because we needed to


i am no longer marked by a calender of time

a movement that had me not thinking 

just actively doing

being driven by a force of what had to be done


yesterday was that of mostly sitting

with small doses of stirring about


reflecting upon what we overcame

and wondering now where my life will lead


sitting here this morning relishing in my thought 

"time is in the palm of my hands"

and pondering

what i shall do

of happy endings~

as with life...when one door closes...it allows for another to open

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for six and a half months...i have been reminding my mom that there


come a day when dad wakes and says


yesterday that day arrived


i am not writing to say that his journey with cancer is complete...it is a far cry from being over...he still will have years ahead of him of being watched and rechecked...but...yesterday marked a surreal turning point

he has come full circle

he has endured an excruciating treatment along side the many of unpredictable challenges that arose throughout the months that were...and as of late... his time has been spent healing...and healing he is doing in the most remarkable of ways


a bittersweet day this will be


though we all are yearning deep within

to go back to our normal ways of living

there has been a silence of comfort that has lingered

all of us together...depending upon...relying upon...a needing of sorts


it has not been because of  

ONE but of ALL

including each of you

together we carried each other along


i am filled with the deepest of gratitude

one that has overwhelmingly filled me with tears

 tears in knowing

my father is here

he fought one of the hardest battles a man can fight

one in which some do not walk away

but for him

he is walking this day

and i know will be for a long time to come



Mathew E. Fryer Once Said:

"With every road block a detour is built. With every ending a new beginning is defined. Embracing a challenge makes life interesting but overcoming it makes life meaningful."




it has been few and far between that i have walked away from a week feeling completely at ease

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feeling or expressing great happiness and triumph




walking away from many moments feeling jubilant

one father marks a turning point in recovering

our lives slowly beginning to return to their rhythms of once was

a mailbox being filled with letters from afar

silent pick me ups laced with love

time with pen in hand

art through that of different eyes 

rain subsides

simmering in the goodness of life



Rumi Once Said:


"Let  yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray."


when darkness arrives~

there is a unquestionable fondness i behold

wrapped within  januarys dawn and dusk skies 

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when darkness arrives

it beckons with light

the softness of pinks

tainted with golden hues smeared throughout

silhouettes and shadows reflecting

mingling perfectly

the contrast of dark and light

a sense of warmth is given

as it slices finely through the crispness of winter

a dance begins 

as dawn and dusk unfold

weaving a summertime dream~

 in darkness i dreamed

of the spring and summer months

time spent lingering through the farmers markets

picking the produce

tasting the sweets

and filling my bag full plum full of treats

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somewhere along the line

i drifted from markets

to a bag of overflowing adventures

just large enough for a weekend getaway 

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within a ball of tangled twine...i weaved a summertime dream of mine...i could see the brightness of light...i could feel the warmth beaming from our golden sun...i could hear his voice as he says now and we gleefully oblige...with bag in hand i gathered our things...we hop in our truck knowing where the road will lead will be that of newness...unplanned and always unknown as that is the manner of him...we wind around curvy roads and over the hills to places that seem untouched by another...we inch our way toward the mountain side until we find a river that lie...and out we go...bag in hand...a sense of peace rushing over us...knowing we are exactly where we belong that day...in some forgotten place...where no one else is surrounding our space...a moment in time...to sit in the silence of the glowing hot sun and live within that summertime dream


Louisa May Alcott Once Said:

"We all have our own kind of life to pursue, Our own kind of dream to be weaving, And we all have the power to make wishes come true, As long as we keep believing."


makes me think

a golden hour

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a january storm

winds that spoke far beyond a howl

rains that came with a fierceness that spread

one fire place roaring

many moments of just being

no needs to be met

having only one place that was calling

a sense of time at hand

embracing each day as they begin unfold



John Boswell Once Said:


"Winter, a lingering season. It is a time to gather golden moments, embark on a sentimental journey and enjoy ever idle hour." 






every year is a little different from the last


a practice for years i have come to know

i chose to draw up a year of cards 

it is always with the intention of at least 12 to come forth

yet strangely enough there is always a different way of sums 


there are ones that gently fall from my hands

and then there are ones that feel as if they leap from the pile

saying its me...its me


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this practice is simple

mindful for me


a reflection as the months make way

offering hindsight as the days within unfold


a glimpse of a possible future


knowing all the same

that life can change in a simple blink of an eye

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a tool

that leaves me hopeful yet warned


an offering 


a way to glance to and from

with a deeper understanding for the things that arise


it is in doing

appreciating each as they lay


it is in knowing you can not meld them as you wish

and in believing that as with life and living all things change


they are a sense balance amongst the unknown



Joseph Campbell Once Said:

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."



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...worthy of...


is it in this idea that we deserve everything be it in good or bad that comes our way...in holding onto the thoughts that we are destined for the wonderfully good or doomed for the terribly bad

or is it in holding tight to the belief that what comes before us is presented before us for reasons far greater than we will ever know...is it in realizing or possibly discovering our inner strength which might not have been uncovered if our challenges were not endured...is it in rejoicing in the good and rejoicing in the bad...it is in learning that we can prevail through what ever life brings our way...is it in helping us realize we are worthy of achieving goodness if only we attempted to welcome and persevere through each triumph or struggle brought forth each day..is it in recognizing we deserve nothing but we are worthy of everything 



collectively gathering change~


late fall early winter

we witnessed a change

during the darkening of our days


as light diminished 

transformation began


fascinating to see how

as the light slowly slipped away

so too did the feathers of our girls


one by one

they dropped to the ground


the old being shed

without even a choice


releasing themselves 

to such a bare and vulnerable state


yet how they stood of grace

while they endured their transformation

as they awaited their newness

that would soon come to be

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i could hardly keep up

with the feathers that were gracing our yard


maybe i am strange

but to me

they are a piece of delicateness

that we do not behold


a symbol of flight

of a journey that once was

unique eachly and rightly so 


some laid showing the weatheredness of time

while others seemed as if they were new

never touched or affected by the days that were


how could i not gingerly pick them up

wash them dry them and admire their beauty


we became apart of their cycle

their season that was

i could sense a completion

as the wheel began to turn


interesting that they too take to the shift of seasons

just as we


though ours seems ever so slight

 not as apparent to the eyes that are watching

more of a silent transition 

that surfaces with time


amazing what nature unfolds

all before our very eyes



Someone Once Said:

"Sometimes in the winds of change, We find our true direction."



my attempts in 2013 did not quite go as planned

the thought of catching up toward the end when i fell short

was well just not that appealing 


why go backward i thought

when i can move forward


so its one step towards filling in the blank pages

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it happens but once a year

when most wake with a motivated plan

yet for us its a day we tend to veer far away from such


tis a day that is filled with the sweetest of sweets

to welcome and ring in the new




tummys plum full of cardamon filled round bits of deliciously wonderful lightly fried dough

savoring spiced apple syrup 

glasses filled with bubbles and orange

frosted white windows

rain less days that leave a bittery yet warm kind of feel

frustration released

therefor leading to peace

a new leaf turned

a fresh focused frame of mind



Someone Once Said:

"Life is an open book full of blank pages...You write the story as you go."



on the first of january

i came upon my word for the year

in a different manner than i usually do


i chose to draw one oracle card 

allowing 2014 to be completely free from my own will and desires

and i do have to say i was quite pleased with the card that unfolded

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rouse from sleep; cause to stop sleeping


and so shall it be



* word *

that will accompany me 

through the next three hundred and sixty sum odd days

in the years prior i always seemed to chose healing words 

and now it is time to entertain and embrace a new kind of feel

2013 i tip toed around and then fell into a bit of a slumber..occasionally i'd dangle my feet in the waters...gently touching the streams...but nothing more than paltry splashes here and there...this year...i want to submerge myself...i want to jump in and swim through the untouched waters and set sail on new adventures and endeavors

and all those wild dreams that have been laying dormant shall manifest

heres to


my spirit and muse

" I am alive. I am awake. I am that I am."

all i can say is~




nothing less

nothing more

but simply




and i end it being sick...it was bound to happen...there was no denying such...being in a home filled with so many...somehow...someway...i managed to escape the illnesses and bugs that lingered...all up until two days ago...

thoughts of recollecting the past 365 days...mmm...not so much...head would like to explode...so i shall reminisce some other day or maybe not


but for now...me..i am truly counting down these final hours


fare thee well 2013