13...twenty six~

our days have been a continuous flow of

...sitting...waiting...sitting...waiting...

too many thoughts

too many possibilities

all shall be left unknown

until its secret is ready to be revealed

13

waking 

accepting 

quieting the minds of many

believing in my beliefs

one fathers procedure done

one sisters surgery coming forth

preparing for the coming week

attempting to balance the lives in my home 

summers heat sneaks in

 backyard camping

tangled fingers

bombs bursting

independence continually being sought 

Peter McWilliams once said:

"If you want peace of mind, stop fighting with your thoughts." 

i do believe...we can not control life...life controls us...true we have the will and the choice to choose how we "want" or "think" we will go about our day to day...but life can strike at any given moment...changing your plan...changing your day...changing your life in an unexpected way...so there is no sense in battling the what ifs and whys...tis an answer you will never find. 

13...twenty three and many more~

tumultuous:

Making a loud, confused noise; uproarious:

Excited, confused, or disorderly

TUMULTUOUS

 

clearly.sums.up.our.days.of.June

 

13...twenty~three

one fathers birthday celebrated

our anniversary came once more

a holiday together away

two troublesome phone calls

one sisters life takes an unexpected turn

one fathers life joins her possible path

savoring time

yet feeling lost within the minutes passing by

numb

pushing through

letting go

putting lifes troubles in the hands of the universe

hanging onto hope

Someone once said: 

 "So don't worry about tomorrow, For tomorrow will bring its own worries. Todays trouble is enough for today."

13...twenty~four

a multitude of doctors appointment

another dental disaster

biopsies for one

more testing for thee other

optimism

melt down

flurry of falling outs

comfort in the words of a sister so so far away

time ticking

exhaustion setting

running away

stumbling upon long lost hidden treasures

riding the waves of life

Someone once said:

"I may not be the strongest, I may not be the fastest, but i'll be damned if i am not trying my hardest." 

13...twenty~five

appointments keep coming

hearing haunting news

confirmation of cancer for one

yet more tests to be ran for another

sinking

yet trying to swim back to the top

encouragement

support

clearing the way through the blur of my days

sickness swirling

rainy days keep coming

mugginess that leads to an unpleasant stickiness

down on my knees

Victor Hugo once said:

"Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, Whatever be the attitude of the body, The soul is on its knees." 

13...twenty~two

pushing our limit

when we bought our home, we were told we'd be lucky if we got one more year with our roof and well we pushed our limits way to long, almost nine years of passing, putting it off, until now

13...22

settling on a black and gray 

cringing as we handed over the cash

relief though in knowing its complete

peace of mind  

accomplishing the to~do's

pondering colors for our exterior

shelf building

wood burning

aching mouth

nagging pain

dentist visit once more

being hopeful

it has to come to an end

let me tell ya, scheduling a dentist appointment to have work done on the same day as having your roof stripped down and re~done...yet again...not one of my smartest moves...

there was no rest for the weary

13...twenty~one

if i had known

the money in store and pain at hand

surely i would have taken better care of my teeth

​and made them more of a priority

​13...twenty~one

a root canal

a tooth removed

swollen cheeks

numb right side

excruciating pain is the aftermath

sister to the rescue

a night nurse to add

pain pills that did not dull the pain

luke warm tea just wasn't quite so

5 days later those pills still at hand

exhausted

frustrated ​

not having fun right now

have a follow up on friday because i am still numb on my right side...i do hope this fades away and as for the pain...i tried today to go without the pain pills and oh my goodness was not one of my smartest moments

13...eighteen & the weeks of thee~

re~surfacing ​in the midst of spring

when this year started i was exhaling deeply knowing there were no major plans coming

that our days would flow...come as they should...and commitments would not hold us back ​or tie us down

yet life has a sly way of slipping itself sneakily in

and filling the voids and all to soon the days are marked and much is to be done

...three weeks left behind of no writing...​

13...eighteen

rising before mr. sun

early morning hour adventure

piping hot coffee in hand

a long quiet drive for two

a vacant beach awaits

the only steps to be seen are ours

footprints remaining for those to follow

silence in the waters

sounds of the gulls

he and i walking ​

beach combing

treasure hunting

a pleasureful day

with many thanks to one sister, who chose to stay behind with our littles and sleep a little longer,  my love and i were able to embark on a plentiful morning of hours together alone before joining our family for the rest of the day

​Someone once said:

"Our time together is never quite enough"​

13...nineteen

panic stricken

hungry  hungry chickens

plants disappearing ​

patience

compassion

understanding

accepting that i need not share everything

realizing they would be alright with the separation i created

fence making

garden plotting once more

hours and hours of digging and digging

committing to more than i could chew

yet executing ​and holding up to my word

life with chickens lacks anything dull...we have allowed them to free range and wander about to their liking...at first this was not any thing that would cause us concern but adding six more babies to the mix...maybe the breeds...maybe just maybe there is no real explanation...this past year the girls appetites tremendously increased and their desires of plants and flowers grew in an abundance...they have eaten through my back yard...again and again i planted and they ate...till i finally threw my hands up and sat down in the grass...i watched them graze about...looking around and realizing it would not be unjust if i ran a fence along my garden...they would not be losing any real space...just the extra tasties the have developed a palate for...i realized that just as my littles have special things as do we that i have never forced them to share that it was then that it hit me that this is my special place...my one thing that i am no longer willing to share and that there was no ever loving reason as to why i should have to share...so it was then that i stood and called to my boys and the building began...and oh those poor girls grew frustrated and stirred up quite a tizzy...pacing back and forth back and forth...i kept looking at them and saying to myself...it is ok...and you know what by the very next morning it was as if that chicken wire line had always been.​

so me...i have my garden back and the girls

well they reign the rest of our yard.

THIS EQUALS

one happy mama

8 happy girls

and a rooster too

Leonard Nimoy once said:​

"The more we share, The more we have."​

what he forgot to add was...

unless. you. have. chickens

13...twenty

​the coming and going of lilacs

discovering they are not only wondrous to smell but taste as well

being honored and celebrated

as well as being thankful to honor and celebrate

a hand crafted bit from thee

showered with flowers from three

patience tested

strength pulled from deep within

lack there of understanding

needing not explain anymore

choices are each our own

​childish manners

wiping my hands clean

sometimes finding the strength to not react is far tougher than anything else...strength to walk away without harsh words or actions...strength in silence...strength to remain peaceful when all you want to do is rage...strength found knowing you will adhere to that of yourself and not that of another

Anne Lamott once said:​

"If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better."

words that may have us all thinking twice about our own behavior

13...sixteen~

when the past lay dormant

and the memories are kept safely tucked away

when the door opens

and the past presents itself in unexpected ways

and all that was left hidden flows freely as if it always had been

years and years

have passed on by

yet the time in between

that kept them apart

never seized the childhood friendship that was

​life unfolds just as it should...people come and go day after day...some stay for a short period while others linger through out our lives...each holding a touchstone..a reason for their existence with an explanation we may never know...

13...sixteen

a full moon rose

a stray black cat

warmth filling our days

reminiscing of summer ways

a gate building project

a connection once lost

a friendship found

a sense of completeness

a life puzzle put together after missing a piece

​hours passing

wanting time to pause

so much to say

yet left satisfied with words that were spoken

Elise Broach once said:​

"A great friendship was like a great piece of art, he thought. It took time and attention, and a spark of something that was impossible to describe. It was a happy, lucky accident, finding some kindred part of yourself in a total stranger."

13...fifteen~

missed fortune found

funny how you forget about things and then for some strange reason it becomes apparent where they were placed..your memory returns and you are able to recollect your once out of sorts thought and go to the exact place where they resided

13...fifteen

has most definitely felt out.of.sorts

mis~placed

mis~matched

mis~communicated

mis~understood

unpredictable

​dashing in and out

chasing and capturing raindrops 

hearing childrens laughter sparked from the pelting of hail

{they say dance in the rain...well our danced in the hail}

finding old forgotten projects

not remembering the reasons as to WHY

lavender and lupine lingering in my mind

​as for these pennies...shaking head...they have been sitting for at least a year or two...honestly could not tell ya what was going to happen to them...but what i can say is i do remember we were attempting create a patina...am thinking it involved vinegar but alas i am at a true loss for the process and purpose... 

​maybe today you will find missed fortune in a forgotten place

13...times 2~

13...thirteen

where the days are going is besides me

​life has not been like this window

far from remaining still through winds and rain

​13

winds

rain

glimpses of sun

chilly wind bites

​plant eating chickens

flowers diminishing

sugar highs

​frustrating lows

tow truck calling

one vehicle bites the dust

​seeking 

searching

​coming up empty handed

Hillary Clinton once said:​

"I think that if you live long enough, you realize that so much of what happens in life is out of your control, but how you respond to it is in your control."​

13...fourteen

​life has continued to move

not quite sure if it has been forward or backwards

steps that feel as if they are taking me to a place where i have traveled before

13

results that brings forth a sense of peace

appointments appointments appointments

head pounding

needing more

yet wanting less

stranded ​

​car~less for days and more days to come

taking in hand... life is what you make of it

what is important

 content with what is in front of me

accepting limits

liable for only so much

wondering where the calmness went

Greg Lake once said:​

"There is no standing still because time is moving forward"​

13...twelve~

we have been as busy as bees working and tending

so much so ​

that i had forgotten to come back and post this post

​with spring present

we have had burst of energy ​

that has kept us all moving

13...twelve

dirty fingers

filthy toes

soil digging

seed planting

grass growing

warmth and light shining

first of the bumble bees

birds singing

trees budding

outdoor learning

teas blessed by the sun

​time relaxing

embracing spring just as it is

there is nothing quite like the days of spring and the time you spend outdoors with nature 

13...eleven~

​rays of light 

veil our home

refreshing i say

to see life lit up

i will say it a thousand times over in my day

i adore each season as it comes

13...eleven

 an awakening

a shift

rebirth

the brink of mornings

nights lingering ​

a feeling of time lasting

energizing

eggs of paper

eggs of silk

seed sowing

garden plotting

lots of planning

spring lovin

​C. S. Lewis once said:

"It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg.

We are like eggs at present.

And you can not go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg.​ We must be hatched.

13...ten~

last week i came home to purple tulips waiting

​kindness from my sister

 a small gesture

that made all the difference

a certain type of love that was needed

13...ten

​purple waits

​rethinking the thoughts of fresh cut flowers

spring sprouting

soiled fingers

bits and pieces

fragments

scattered

cloudiness

longer than long stretch

horrendous battle with migraines

old books

​windows open

calming of storms

Indira Gandhi once said:

"You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose."​

13...nine~

sometimes i think i think to much

​i am filled with many thoughts these past few days

​13...nine

watching people in life and their struggles at hand

wanting to help

but...knowing they are the only ones that can help themselves

believing...it is their path

reminding myself...you can only enable for so long

boundries

choices

change

ignorance

lightness and dark

wild new moon energy flailing about

​emotions waxing and waning

​wondering...if i stand in my own sunlight

13...eight~

​march 1

could it really be

the days of winter

slowly coming to a close

13...eight

stranger than strange moments arising

wishing my fingers could move a bit quicker

crocheting away

wabi sabi words and thoughts

collectively gathering

the joy in giving 

​excitement in the air

despite the rain falling

hopes of a forecasted 60 degrees

this morning will be one trip to the airport

welcoming home a grandpa so dear

worries settling

​our minds at ease

Euriphedes once said:

​

"Our lives...are but a little while, so let them run as sweetly as you can, and give no thought to grief from day to day. For time is not concerned to keep our hopes, but hurries on its business, and its gone."​

13...seven~

there are just some things in life

that are destined to happen

a link that reminds me we are bound together

the moment i think i am in the clear

freed from such ​

it presents its self once more

{see i live this nasty life tied together with my love and his ball point pens...14 some years and i can not tell you how many times i have had this happen...as if one time was not enough...oh no...the moment i think ah, its fine...is the moment it all begins...once more i decided i did not need to check his last pair of work pants as they were heading into the washing machine...and yes...this is where i went wrong...taking a chance...from the wash to the dryer...and from the dryer to oh no...not again...one lingering blue ball point pen was carefully residing in the last of his pants...another ink explosion at hand}

to add to that one of my slippers sneakily snuck in...goodbye to two creamy speckled white slippers hello to one dingy blue

13

​​accepting the reality of what really is

realizing some connections are stronger than you may think

leaving the door open for someone else to clean

allowing myself to let go of control

watching two littles find a common ground

admiring their chosen type of play

soaking up a moment of not having to parent

being the one to admit fault ​

 forgiveness asked  ​

forgiveness received

​feeling the stir of spring

 experiencing still the bite of winter

​indulging in salted caramels to wind down my day

J. Johnson once said:

"Second chances are rare, Use your first chance wisely."​

one day i might just remember those words

13...six~

reflections from a window

pondering thoughts

as if

seeing a portal

one in which

could transport you

swirl you up

and take you to another world

fascinating don't you think

if only

it could really be

13...six

finding beauty in an old weathered car

a new found appreciation for life within an ancient junkyard

thinking about the little things

sipping piping hot raspberry leaf tea

delving into wuthering heights

mild bleak days

no adventures at hand

quietness remains

though there are hints of spring

light ever so slowly lingering into the night

experiencing newness

chocolate laced with champagne and lilac

wondering what life would be like as a chocolatier

James Joyce once said:

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery."

a nice new way to think

13...five~

at the end of each day

i am left wondering

where has the time gone

i remember all to often when i was little

hearing the repetitive words from older ones

how time goes by so quickly the older you get

and i would sit there and think

why would it be any different

we are all living within the same time frame

yet

it seems with each passing day

those ticks

seem to be tocking

at a much faster speed

13

trying to accomplish as much as i can

being wiser with my minutes at hand

productivity flourishing

creativity manifesting

finishing and completing things that have sat far to long

packages sent

anxiously awaiting to see what comes forth in the mail

an anticipated box of chocolates today

a trip to the city

glimpses of sun

 a much needed bounce to my step

garden seeds sprouting

hopes for spring

Harvey MacKay once said:  

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back."

13...four~

i realized long ago

you can plan your life

down to the finest detail

but the reality of living is

life has its own plans

regardless of our wants and needs

it is going to take us where we are meant to be

13

unexpected events arising

yet all dealing as if there were no change

life shifting

moving with ease

a welcomed stay

humble little littles

steam rising

glimpses of sun shining

winter purging

layers and layers of clothes

chilly fingers and toes

early nights

 warm down comforters

Joseph Campbell once said:

"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

13...three~

driving along a road i have driven for almost nine years

and never once seeing this old truck and tree

its a road i travel down

most often when in a hurry

my mind is usually consumed by getting or accomplishing the task at hand

yet for some strange reason

this time around

it stood out ever so clear

13

opening my eyes

clearing my mind

regardless of head pounding

stuffiness

sneezing like mad

going through tissue at an excessive rate

completed a task at hand

success on behalf of my photographic way

{who ever you are...where ever you are...my deepest of deep gratitude}

fingers entangled in wool and tweeds

rice pudding piping hot 

fresh lemon tea

kindness and compassion

thankful for the time to rest

there is a saying:

"Slow down...Rushing means you miss what's right here."

13...two~

i had spoke with one yesterday

exclaiming i would much rather enjoy a wee bit of sun or sparkling white snow

13...two

rains that seem like torrential yet are merely a pour

winds that howls

pine cones dropping as if the sky was falling

trees dancing about as they sway to and fro

chimes by which echo all through the night

fires crackling

warmth arising

a bounty of blankets

a continual cup of tea

writing of letters

revisiting pictures from the past

old forgotten memories

happiness abounds through the dismal winter days

Bob Dylan once said:

"Some people feel the rain

Others just get wet."

quite frankly

i have moved past feeling the rain

and am down right just getting wet!

13...

there is no snow surrounding us...just a chill that lingers

cool crisp clean...a winters morn...dusty white...sparkling as dawn turns her hands to day

13

darkness...yet knowing light will come

warmth from a fire still faintly burning

the smell of coffee

the taste of licorice root tea

warm cozy maryjanes

the feel of wool wrapped around my fingers

wooden needles clicking

slowness sinking in

words from old friends near and far

spirits lifted 

comfort in the unknown

solace 

solitude slipping slowly away

William Powell once said:

"Cultivate solitude and quiet and a few sincere friends, rather than a mob merriment, noise and thousands of nodding acquaintances."