perhaps~
Isak Dinsen Once Said
"perhaps he knew...as i did not...that the Earth was round so that we would not see too far down the road"
to fall or stumble upon
Isak Dinsen Once Said
my attempts in 2013 did not quite go as planned
the thought of catching up toward the end when i fell short
was well just not that appealing
why go backward i thought
when i can move forward
so its one step towards filling in the blank pages
it happens but once a year
when most wake with a motivated plan
yet for us its a day we tend to veer far away from such
tis a day that is filled with the sweetest of sweets
to welcome and ring in the new
tummys plum full of cardamon filled round bits of deliciously wonderful lightly fried dough
savoring spiced apple syrup
glasses filled with bubbles and orange
frosted white windows
rain less days that leave a bittery yet warm kind of feel
frustration released
therefor leading to peace
a new leaf turned
a fresh focused frame of mind
Someone Once Said:
on the first of january
i came upon my word for the year
in a different manner than i usually do
i chose to draw one oracle card
allowing 2014 to be completely free from my own will and desires
and i do have to say i was quite pleased with the card that unfolded
a·wak·en
əˈwākən/
verb
rouse from sleep; cause to stop sleeping
and so shall it be
my
that will accompany me
through the next three hundred and sixty sum odd days
in the years prior i always seemed to chose healing words
and now it is time to entertain and embrace a new kind of feel
2013 i tip toed around and then fell into a bit of a slumber..occasionally i'd dangle my feet in the waters...gently touching the streams...but nothing more than paltry splashes here and there...this year...i want to submerge myself...i want to jump in and swim through the untouched waters and set sail on new adventures and endeavors
and all those wild dreams that have been laying dormant shall manifest
heres to
my spirit and muse
nothing less
nothing more
but simply
and i end it being sick...it was bound to happen...there was no denying such...being in a home filled with so many...somehow...someway...i managed to escape the illnesses and bugs that lingered...all up until two days ago...
thoughts of recollecting the past 365 days...mmm...not so much...head would like to explode...so i shall reminisce some other day or maybe not
but for now...me..i am truly counting down these final hours
may you embrace the magic of the season
may love fill your heart
may joy fill your spirit
may laughter abound
may memories be made
may this holiday be only merry and bright
hush
speak not a word
pause
just as nature does
silence
your mind and your spirit
stillness
even if only for a moment
dec 14 2013
no...it wasn't much
nor quite enough
but we took what we got and enjoyed it all the same
hoping though
yes hoping
that yesterdays fleeting flurry
was a glimpse of a winter of white that will soon come forth
!?! wishful thinking right !?!
Someone Once Said:
many many moons ago a message came my way...a possible visit from a land far far away...the thought...just the thought...that it could quite come to be...was plenty for me
then as most of you know...our life as a family went by the way side...ups and downs and twists and turns that were all unforeseen unknown and unpreventable
my days continued on in this crazy spiraling path and before even realizing that thought that once lay out in the vastness of the world was actually manifesting into a real plan and time was ticking away far quicker than i could count on my hand was coming at me full speed
and life as we know...more than ever before...decided to throw me another curve ball...the day we were going in to see if my dads treatment worked was the same day that i was to be at the train station awaiting the arrival of two very dear yet far away friends
i thought to myself why could this be...really...the one chance i have to meet these two face to face after days weeks months and years of visiting through the land of blogs...was really going to happen in the present moment and state of disarray that my life is currently situated in...a time when my life is so far from what it normally is...a time when my home is a far cry from the decency that it would once normally reside...and to add to i have to attempt to pull it all together on a day that i can only wish for such good news
and as i pondered all these crazy wild thoughts above...it occurred to me...why else would it be any different...this is my life...my life that they are and will be coming to see
me. just. as. i. am.
and then i thought...they...these two dear ones...are a good omen to me...my good omen sent forth for me to receive...why else would the universe send them my way on this very day...and so it was...such a beautiful blessing and omen they were and are...one that i will hold very close at hand for a long time to come
these two were exactly what i needed on that very day...all my troubles and worries...fatigue and to do's got to be temporarily placed on hold to enjoy the most wonderful visit of visits to be had...they brought an old familiar comfort like a blanket you have wrapped yourself in for years...an ever flowing conversation and sense of calming peace resonating as the minutes went by...strange as it may sound or be to many...to haev such a chance...too be able to meet two very real people who i have called friends for quite some time was most wonderful indeed...sigh...life feels grand...even if it is just for this moment in time
barry and fiona...i thank you for making your way to our land...for taking such time to stumble over and visit...and next time...oh yes...next time...we shall see you both on your mountain side
Someone once said:
day three brought time together in between his meetings...a moment to slip away and savor the lunch hour together...then back we went to the hotel for he had more business to attend...and me i continued wandering about relaxing back in our room...
when night arrived and his day had officially came to a close...when had the intention of going out for fondue...well this mighty plan abruptly came to a close as all their burners were out in the bar and it was a two hour wait to sit and dine...
we crossed the street and started aimlessly walking around... naming off places we saw...and then without even realizing earlier in the day...there sat a quaint little hole in the wall mediterranean restaurant...a sign from above...this was truly meant to be...of all the places we would chose to eat...greek food sits first on top of our list...this little hole in the wall that sat no more than ten people exceeded every possible expectation one could have for a meal...and then came dessert...sinfully wonderfully deliciously good...
and all too soon another day was quickly coming to an end
Someone once said:
even on a holiday...i tend to go about my normal way...lucky for one as he can always sleep in and wake knowing coffee will be at hand...he has come to learn and accept this way of mine...and he does not budge when i slip out of bed and sneak out the door...i have always savored my early morning hours and this is one of those things that may never change...to grab my coffee and head out the door and witness the silence of a city slowly come to a wake...i have always loved the darkening hours
day two was filled with one love attending to business matters and leaving me to play...i watched the sunrise and pondered a bath...and well i could not resist soaking in such tub...i created the biggest bubble bath i ever have...so much so i almost overfilled the tub as i walked away to put away my camera...the thought of such made me laugh...but for me...knowing there would be absolutely no one knocking on my door...no littles calling my name...serenity was at hand...and this i had to embrace
i pondered knitting patterns while working on a scarf there in between...and after a good hour of deciphering...i decided if not now then probably never...so i reserved me a spot for the hotels grand high tea...i am learning to be alone...comfortably alone in places...despite the curious glances...i delightfully dined and marveled in the delectables placed before me and me...i too exchanged those same curious glances back at those who surrounded me
being quite shunned from public transportation growing up...sounds silly i know...me...i alone...have never hopped into a taxi and this was another thing i knew if i did not seize the moment i would have been wishing i had...i walked down stairs and out the front door...sat there watching the taxis come and go and then stood up and walked right over to one and into town i went...i walked the streets that even during lunch hour remained pretty still...salt lake is not a crowed busy place...most of the people walked about at a very calm cool pace...which made wandering alone a very comforting place to be
and after hours of touring i made my way back to the hotel...what a pleasing feeling to return to a place that has been all spiffed up...that is the one thing i love about staying in a hotel...i do not like making beds...and to return to your room that has magically been made up as if you were never there...love...love...love...and before too long...the sun was slowly sinking bringing the day to an end and one love returned from his business matters and together we enjoyed the peacefulness of the night
Albert Einstein Once Said:
during the latter part of october we slipped away...i am coming to love october as a month of wandering about...this is the third year we have ventured out and traveled amidst the fall...and with each adventure...i am becoming captivated more and more by the season that is
day one filled us with many wonders and delights...from our hotel to the city itself...salt lake city embraces beauty and quietness all the same...a serenely peaceful place to stay
Henry Miller Once Said:
one wee little one: will you take a picture
he says this as he is holding the curtain open in our bedroom
me: in a little bit, i just put my camera away
one wee little one: but mama, you really need to come and look and bring your camera
i walked into our bedroom...made my way over to our window and was enticed by what he saw
me: thank you buddy for wanting me to come and look, my camera i am getting and what fascinating pictures they will be
Henry David Thoreau Once Said:
nov 5
yesterdays drive home from the hospital was surreal...dad and i looked out the windows noticing how the season is passing in a blink of an eye and the sky held a touch of a wintery smile...
9 weeks ago, we got into my car...quiet on both of our behalves...it was a long, slow drive...no music lingering in the background...a staleness in our conversation...we had seen every doctor and nurse possible...we had been told everything we needed to know and what he was to expect but the reality was...neither of us really new what was about to happen or the journey dad would be starting...we were filled with still an abundance of questions that we knew as the days went by...slowly those answers would sort themselves and all that remained foreign would eventually become just a way of life...and sure enough a way of life it did become...
9 weeks ago...dad walked through the doors of radiation and faced cancer in the face...his fight to beat head and neck cancer began...
throughout these 9 weeks...dad amazed me with his strength...endurance...courageand will...as tough as times were...he never gave in to weakness...he never gave in to cancer...he woke each morning...mentally just as strong as the day before...he carried with him the words...I CAN DO THIS...and THIS HE DID...with a great deal of humor and grace...
9 weeks have passed and i sit here in awe...a loss for words as i am trying to type this...trying to summarize what i wish to express...i have so many thoughts...so much i want to say...9 weeks ago...our lives changed...and as i sit here thinking, i know now we are to attempt to get back to a some what normal state of living...a normal that as the days go by will continue to change...
i shared with dad yesterday what a testament too many he was and is...how thankful and proud i am for him opening himself up during one of the most personal, intimate moments of his life and how by allowing us to share his journey openly helped so many including us as a family...and it allowed so many to help us and bring us a sense of peace and comfort and drive to keep each of us walking positively and strongly through the days with him...
within these 9 weeks...some scrutinized or criticized us for sharing dads journey publicly...and for these i am just as thankful...because with each passing comment or thought of another...it just reinforced the preciousness of life...life is not always pretty...life is not always what we wish it to be...life is life...good and bad...and in the end, if sharing dads journey helped or helps one day to touched even one single soul...well then...
IT WAS ALL WORTH IT...
every.single.word.and.picture.shared.here.
because reality is there is CANCER in our world...
CANCER IS REAL...CANCER IS WRETCHED...and at this moment...CANCER remains a daily battle each and every waking moment for someone in this world in which we live...so why would we hide it...disguise the ugliness and misguide others...why not share and possibly bring HOPE to another that no matter how horrible the day may feel...the sun will rise again in the morning and with that there will come a light that lifts all the misery...comfort in knowing that all they are experiencing, there is someone else out there that is or has been through a similar...that they are not alone...someone is and someone has walked the same line as them in some way, shape or form...
For 9 weeks we have carried HOPE in our pockets...now our HOPE changes to healing thoughts and wishes...HOPE that with each passing day, dad will continue to heal and recover from this wild ride he has had to endure...Hope in knowing when he revisits the ent dr. in december...dad will be told HE IS CURED...CANCER FREE...
9 weeks...YOU out there in this big wide world have been a beautiful part of dads journey and a blessing to us all as a family...there will never be adequate words to express how grateful we are for the love and support that has been given each day...it was within each of you, your words, comments and silent prayers that carried dad and our family through these last 9 weeks that have been...and for that we are forever thankful...
our seemingly endless summers days
came quickly to a close
please pardon the lengthiness of such
preparing
bracing ourselves for what was coming
hearing the news
a dr. coming through
mistakes
missing the known
enduring on everyones behalf
change
accommodating
pain
sorrow
believing in the final
hoping for a cure
Gilda Radner Once Said:
warmth from the summers sun
brought forth a sense of autumn
remembering our littles
giving
taking time
togetherness
a moment of space
a family as is
playfulness
escaping our minds
warmth within the day
surrounded by picnics
rustling
stirring
yet settled
Plato Once Said:
the wait is over
the time is now
a start
a beginning
anxiety flourishing
curiosity at ease
a first step for one father
his path unknown
strength from within
grasping onto what has been told
gripping faith
holding hope
believing the storm will pass
rising above fear itself
Someone Once Said:
september rolls in
the wheel begins to take its turn
slowly sinking into a routine
everything we thought
no longer is
continually chaos
accepting
lack their of not even knowing
or attempting to understand
remembering there is a far greater plan
clutching the minutes
exhaustion setting in
rain is falling
clouds roll way
a new path unfolds
Buddha Once Said:
the days are passing by with such a blurriness
yet a dragging slowness
we all feel the pull
pondering the thought of needing to be cloned
possibility of six more of me
one for a wife
one for a mother
one for a teacher
two for care giving
one for a daughter
one for a friend
arms feel as if they are being pulled a hundred different direction
seeking and searching
stumbling upon an old wooden fence
space granted to breath
bestowing a sense of peace
Sir Thomas Browne Once Said:
trying times have begun
in our lives
unfortunate events
cancers treatments kicking in
one father struggling with strength
longing for it to all be done
knowing when to walk away
leaving yet standing for one minute more
pondering the final hours of the day
the dance of living
we are all learning
the balancing act
or caring for all
and remembering me
myself along the way
Joseph Smith Once Said:
hitting the half way mark
hoping with everything in me
the rest is a down hill walk
stumbling upon an old dear friend
an extra hand presented without even knowing i needed such
pondering the mysteries and magic of life
one sisters cancer treatment completed
a scan presented
fingers and toes crossed
that her journey comes to a close
one father hits a half way mark
his health rose once more
the wheel has turned
storms came way
rains broke through
wisdom keeps dripping in
Someone Once Said:
sorry for the novel above
but for me
i feel complete once more
knowing today
she is in the hands of friends who care so much
wishing greatly
i could be with you my dearest friend and sister
as you begin this next step of healing
knowing though
you know that i love you so
and care ever so deeply about you
i wish you well in the coming days
i wish and pray with all i have
that your cancer will go away
all that you have been through
and all you have left to endure
leaves you still smiling
and
showing your beautiful colors
an inspiration to each and all
you truly are
my love light and blessings
be with you this day and those that come forth
autumn is in the air
i sense the changes
in the season to be
the geese are making their journey
away from the land i know
their travels mark the beginning
the time has come
the time is here
the early morning hours
me...i sit alone
the sun slowly brinking on the horizon a little later by the morn
i hear their distant call
coming closer and closer as the minutes fall
it fills me with a sense of knowing
marking the calender of day
the wheel will soon take to turning
the rhythm of our days
will begin the progression of slowness
that will catch our every step
a dance
a fight
between the restless and calm
a tango one will learn to move
as the days continue along
and before one realizes
autumn begins to fall
brandi r burdick